Obama, he’s taxing my patience and I’m already poor! First he kisses Europe’s ass and now he’s gone over to kiss Asia’s. Oh, I almost forgot that he’s kissed several asses in the Middle East. His backbone is a wet noodle and he can’t figure out why the rest of the world hates us even when we’re nice.

It’s because we weren’t the problem. We can bend over backwards and shoot gold unicorns out of butts and people will still hate us because THEY ARE HATERS. Hate is rarely rational. I hate spiders but beyond finding them creepy there’s not really a legitimate reason to hate them. I also question finding them creepy as most bugs don’t generate more than annoyance or disregard in me. That’s right – I’m a racist. I hate spiders. Filthy creatures!

So Obama can do anything and everything to please them and they will still hate us. His ignorance of this fact only places America and its allies in danger.

Congress, please find the nearest object you can kill yourself with. You suck at your job and it’s putting your country in danger. You’re corrupt and only smart enough to find the bribes being shoved in your face. Pass a bill that requires people, by law, to run you over when they find you standing in traffic. Herd yourselves onto a plane and crash it into a volcano. If you’re lucky, God will have mercy on your souls. If you’re not lucky, lube up cuz you’re going to get a GI track full of burning coals for spending so much of your life screwing people. The part of me that doesn’t want to face justice for my own sins hopes you find mercy. The part of me that’s a vindictive, justice loving asshole wants misery to find you in this life for betraying and exploiting your country and countrymen.

Has the system become so corrupt that only violence will purge it of the refuse that has built up? I will give these morons credit for one thing – I’m terribly excited about having a chance to vote as many of them as possible out of office. Hopefully we manage to find some replacements who aren’t retards suckled at the tit of socialism and blind to its vast history of FAIL.

I’m having a hard time generating rage or even disappointment in the stupidity and myopia of my government. I’ve come to expect them to lie and spin and spout nonsense. I’m sure they could find a way to do a worse job, I know they haven’t hit rock bottom, but as my pappy once said “They’ve failed to meet the low expectations they set for themselves.” I am disappointed that they’ve set such a low standard as to kill any desire in me to pay attention to the news. When I see someone I recognize as being a mouthpiece for the White House I immediately tense as I’m expecting words that will cause me physical pain. If I had a camera I could provide photographic evidence of the horrific, physical symptoms these words bring on.

But seeing as I don’t…I’ll just tell you that it makes me bleed like someone stricken by ebola. Then I burst into flames as my body attempts to purge itself of the apocalyptic sludge clinging to it inside and out. Feeding myself head-first into a woodchipper is the physical equivalent of what their politically correct and factually deficient words do to my brain. My poor, poor brain begs them to be the transparent, honest government that was promised in 2008.

See? No rage! Just bleeding from every hole and screaming “Your words are lodged in my brain like shards of superheated glass!” That’s despair. There’s nothing funny about despair.

Meanwhile, Obama tours Asia. He’s sad that we nuked them. Which if you know much about WWII means he’s sad more Americans and Japanese didn’t die in vicious, toe-to-toe fighting. Ooooooh – I think I feel some rage sparking. Why does our dear leader need to visit foreign countries to apologize for how much we suck? Can’t those countries either a) use their long standing opinion of us sucking or b) just watch our news where they’ll be bombarded with a) proof that we suck or b) manufactured proof that we suck? I’m not one to run around telling people about all the ways I suck because that’d be dishonest. I’m flawed but those flaws are only a small part of who I am. I feel like it’s the same with America. We’ve got our problems but we’ve got a lot of strengths to offer to the world.

But don’t tell our dithering, self-loathing leader that. I thought that only Jews stereotypically hated themselves? Wait, wait – upperclass leftists. I forgot about them. They love to wallow in self-hatred. The roll around in the money and success that makes them feel so guilty and then they do everything in their power to redistribute OTHER PEOPLE’S MONEY. And somehow they feel less like shitty people when they give away other people’s money. Somehow they think they’re saving the world by screwing the middle class and making the lower class dependent on handout. It’s certainly not hypocritical and stupid.

Nope – still not angry. I’m just disgusted. The survival of socialist ideas and ideals is proof that intelligent people can believe in and act upon dumb ideas. It shouldn’t surprise me, we’re all human and prone to folly, but trying to get a failing idea to work by trying it again and again and again is only commitment to failure or insanity.

Let’s socialize America – maybe when it fails miserably here people will finally stop believing in this crappy idea.

My body’s clock is messed up. I’m awake until the sun begins to rise and then I sleep until it sets. I’ve become a nocturnal creature. I hunt canned goods and beer in the cold darkness of IL’s suburbs. Families of chilis gather around the campfire to tell stories of how I jam a knife into the heads of naughty cans and eat their insides. Sodas speak of me in hushed voices because they fear that the mere mention of me summons me from the bleak hole that is my room. If they’re lucky I’ll choose an apple to bite or a carton of milk to drain.

Speaking of bites, I hate the Twilight/vampire craze. Vampires have never been the most manly of creatures (Ann Rice saw to that) but now they’re both effeminate AND teenagers. Vampires should not SPARKLE ever. And vampires should consider the sun an enemy if only for their health – they are creatures of the night. They don’t go to high school because they can’t go out in the day. And they don’t date teenage girls because they’re annoying (for the most part).

Moving to a more serious form of biting, the Ft. Hood shootings. I was unhappy to hear that so many were injured. I was even more unhappy to hear that it was one of our own who did the shooting. And now I’m getting pissed because most of the media is burying this guy’s obvious issues and connections to radical Islam. When that abortion provider was gunned down Christians received a lot of flak for “hate speech” and their beliefs leading to violence. This Muslim guy goes on a shooting spree and the connection to his faith is kept out of the picture. It’s bullshit that Christians get bashed and Muslims get a pass – either bash both or neither. And I think you should bash neither. Regardless of how good an idea is there will be idiots who take it up and try to implement it.

How many Christians do you see blowing themselves up in marketplaces and hospitals? Tiller (the murdered abortionist from earlier in the year) was a murderer in my book and a law-breaker with friends in high places that kept him out of prison – but he WAS murdered. What he did was wrong and it wasn’t corrected by the wrong done to him. And because of both men Christians and the pro-life movement suffered – three wrongs and no right. Strike that – four wrongs. The fourth wrong is that Muslim murderer is protected by his religion. He certainly acted in a hateful way but he’ll face no hate crime charges. For those who truly believe Islam is a religion of peace this man and his version of Islam should be condemned as an anethema. Does he not represent something antithetical to Western values? He murders en mass in the name of God.

And if anyone is dumb enough to bring up the Crusades I will kill you. I will kill you so dead you’ll resurrect so I can kill you again. I will club your head into a puddle of mush with the cudgel of history and I will eat the remains of your flimsy brain so I can crap it into the toilet such foolishness belongs in. The whole “Christians are evil and use violence” stigma is a) bullshit and b) contrary to historical FACT as opposed to narratives created to push an agenda that would twist or destroy truth to support a “noble” message. I will show up at your house dressed in bloody armor crafted from history texts and armed with giant hammer built of MORE textbooks (stupid college making me buy books ALL the time) and cemented with the brains of previous fools. That hammer will be heavy, folks, so don’t tempt fate (even if you want to see such an oddly dressed berserker).

Jumping off that bunny trail, Muslims who murder people are primarily MURDERERS. Christians who murder people are a) murderers and b) not acting in a Christ-like manner. If you blow yourself up in a market place, mosque, or hospital you are a) an asshole, b) a monster, c) a terrorist, and d) a murderer. You’re not a hero, you’re not a warrior, and you’re certainly not a victim. If you’re pissed at America the answer isn’t to shoot or blow up people who have little or no power to do anything.

You might think that Christian guy/gal you know is a jerk but you’re not afraid he’ll shoot you or she’ll blow herself up because you told them their Bible study was pointless bullshit. Why? Partly because of their faith (I’d hope) but also because they, and you, were raised in the West. We don’t believe in violence deciding who is right. We believe in being civil even if we don’t always practice it. There’s a lot of good in the culture here in the West so let’s not forget or destroy that in the name of tolerance and diversity – sometimes WE have it right.