May 28, 2010

• So many things I could launch into mulling over…

  There’s a “patriotic” music cd being advertised on tv – I don’t think it’s supposed to make me wanna burn all of America to the ground. Maybe it’s the lame lyrics, the lack of wit, or music that would make most church bands look like rockstars…

  Is it ironic that a lack of batteries and some poorly poured cement have caused an ecological disaster? The other day I needed batteries and almost all the cement in the Chicagoland area is poorly mixed and poured and yet I didn’t get any oil! I blame science.

  I hate you, science.

  I have no idea what science has to do with my lack of crude oil but I’m sure it’s involved. It’s probably laughing at me right now while tying a woman to a train track – I’m jealous of his killer mustache! DOUBLE MEANING BONUS!!!

  It’s about 3am and I’m a) not tired and b) too hot to sleep. This saddens me as I am bored. I’ve heard that there are only boring people but whoever said that was obviously entertained by the sound of his/her voice. It was probably said by science – I hear it’s a jerk.

  I’m starting that rumor – science is a jerk!

  Al Gore loves science – that’s why he’s so worried about Polar Bears drowning. Science, being a jerk, makes it so Polar Bears, who can usually swim, drown when Al Gore says they can’t swim.

  You don’t have to outrun the bear, you only have to convince Al Gore to make up a death for the bear to experience.

  Question: Should a man be executed for painting his house canary yellow?

  Hey, I managed to avoid talking about serious topics like depression and atheism! Meh.

  • 3:59 am
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