August 29, 2010

• Ministry of Truth/Justice – Orwell would be proud

  The Department of Justice is doing its best to become the Department of Irony by continuously placing politics ahead of justice. Does the President really need another group of ass-kissing stooges? Sure, it’d be a problem if the DOJ did its job seeing as Obama loves his shenanigans but couldn’t he just disband the DOJ? They don’t enforce the laws and they liberally apply their finger to the Scales of Justice after stripping off her blindfold and pointing out who gets what.

  Your race matters to the DOJ. Your politics matter to the DOJ. Your religion matters to the DOJ. Whether you’ve committed a crime – not so much. Are you black? Free pass. Do you support the Democratic party? If yes, free pass. Are you Muslim? Free pass. If you happen to be a white Republican Christian don’t bother with the DOJ – go directly to Janet Napalitano to be labeled a potential domestic terrorist and then see any news outlet (save Fox) and/or the White House to be labeled a racist homophobe who rapes kittens while punching holes in the ozone layer with your prayers to a science-hating God.

  People of America, hear my offer: I promise to be just as incompetent as Eric Holder but I’ll do his job for half the pay. I swear the economy will continue to suck if you replace Ben Bernanke with me but I’ll do his job for a quarter of what you’re paying him. If you don’t mind a little vomit, I will take over Robert Gibb’s position for FREE. I will have to pause every few minutes to throw up while I read the talking points but I’m not being paid so that’s still a steal. You can replace most of Congress with me and I promise to only pocket 10% of the kickbacks they do. I will warn you that being young and unjaded, I might actually listen to my constituents rather than ignore and belittle them.

  Honestly, Osama, does the West need your help dying? We’re so politically correct that we’ll soon be chopping off our own hands and heads for offending your sensibilities – gosh we suck! It’s okay to treat women like sexual objects or baby-making punching bags but damn if we’ll let them take pride and joy in motherhood – that’s simply barbaric! We need to be more proactive in erasing Christianity from society so that the rest of the world won’t think we’re antireligious bigots. Why don’t we just give them the site of that Orthodox church destroyed on 9/11? It’s not like we’re ever going to approve its rebuilding. And lest we forget, America was founded racists who raped their way to riches – bad us!

  • 10:35 pm
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