March 12, 2008
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Normally I’d be worried…
But with kidney stones pissing blood is a good sign.
I continue to have no health insurance which means I need to be dying before seeking medical attention. Kidney stones won’t kill you but like everything that has ever afflicted my mortal form it will make you wish you were dead. So I’ve turned to the age-old remedy of liquor, napping, and a gritty determination (cold, sweaty determination). I’ve also found heating pads to be very handy. Oh, and the reason pissing blood is a good sign is that you’re probably done suffering – unless it had brothers…or sisters. Lucky me, I’m the proud father of two midgets.
I come from a family where if you cut off a finger you’d sew it back on yourself and continue working. My dad will actually leave work, something he won’t do when he has the flu, and take the sort of pain medication that makes pink bunnies and fairies appear when he’s experiencing a kidney stone. I’m now 2 for 2 without a hospital visit. The latest one was much less painful than the previous one. One of these days I’m going to walk into a hospital carrying my arms in my teeth, spit them on the receptionist’s desk, and calmly ask to see a doctor – I have a toenail that might be infected.
Did you know that Calvin, Calvin alla Calvinism, was paid, in part, in wine? And that he also suffered from kidney stones? I wonder if any of his theology was shaped by jagged, biannual visitors scraping their way through his insides…
Unlike a baby, you don’t have to feed and love a kidney stone after it rips through your insides and blinds you with pain. Kidney stone – couple days max. Kids – 18 years (min) unless you beat them regularly.
Comments (21)
Ouch. Is that safe to deal with without seeing a doctor? I hope you feel better soon.
I, too, hope you feel better soon, mister. But I’m glad you made passing kidney stones much easier than having a baby, and better, too. Haha.
I remember I was accused of kicking a kid in the kidney, and he had kidney stones. Too bad I kicked him in the knee, and if he weren’t fighting me on a trampoline, he wouldn’t have had to come up with that. I did tell his mother, and him, who got all pissy with me that if they wanted, I could kick him in the kidney so they’d have a reason to be upset with me.
:] Seriously though – feel better!
RYC: Thank yooou. :]
Hope you feel better soon.
i thought i was gonna have to send Duff the Whyte after them penguins. Drink more! Slainte!
RYC- you’re right. The majority of the people that want socialized medicine are the same people that distrust the Government regarding the war. What makes them think that they can trust the government with thier healthcare?
Oh…and a Baptist invented Whiskey. In fact there was a group called the “40 Gallon Baptists” who would pay their pastor in whiskey to barter with. You won’t hear that from a pulpit.
On your health insurance, look at an individual policy. Save on premiums by getting a high deductible health plan with limited benefits. Sure…going to the doctor will be expensive, but you’ll have major medical and you’ll have the piece of mind knowing that you have coverage.
Stop breaking. That’s an order.
One of the guys from my father’s dojo once cut off his own finger while gardening; he then wrapped the finger up, put it on ice, and drove himself the 15 miles to the hospital and told the receptionist, “I’m going to need to see a doctor. Hold this, I think I’m going to pass out.”
He officially became Hero of the Year.
Good grief, boy! I echo GermanWrench – “Stop breaking”. It must be a Murphey’s law type of thing though – anyone with health insurance is bound to be healthy, while anyone without is bound to get sick.
I don’t have health insurance either, at least I don’t think so, which I think is unfortunate since I’m convinced that any day now terrible things are going to happen to me. Any day now.
Anyways, I never really understood how people get kidney stones. Do they just magically appear in your body? How do you get them? I think that I’m really too curious about this but I hope that you get better soon. You are a freakin’ genius and too brilliant to be held down for long by mere kidney stones.
@dropsofjupiterihh - thank you – I should be fine.
@hum__hallelujah - feel free to continue nailing him in the kidneys – kidney stones have to do with minerals in the water/drinks rather than damage to the kidneys. I’m just looking at this as an empathy-building exercise
@Evowookiee - Jesus’ first miracle was water to wine – you won’t hear that preached on very often either.
@GermanWrench - lol – my grandfather cut off one of his fingers and sewed it back on. I’ll add that he sewed it on crooked.
@heartsforhate - thanks! Kidney stones are created by a build up of a particular substance – mine are likely calcium related. Not the calcium in milk, mind you, but rather the TONS of calcium found in the water in my area. Hard water is hard on my kidneys. Mystery destroyed!
@logicalemu - Unfortunately I was born broken – but it gives me a base for relating to people in pain. And occasionally a cool story
ryc: Ohhh, you know, other than worrying if you hated me and/or were dying, no.
Seriously, I’m not gonna lie, you have made me cranky with the lack of replies. I FREAKIN’ MISS MY BEST BUDDY! But I promise I’m over it if you tell me what I should get you for your birthday. I hate the thought of giving you something you won’t like, and I refuse to cop out and get you something generic, (unless of course that happens to be your dearest birthday wish).
@eowynnabeeowyn - if you must get me something, pick up Kung Pow: Enter the Fist – I’m in need of gopher-chucks. As I’ve explained, I couldn’t reply for a while because your site wasn’t coming up – and for some reason a few of my “reply” button replies haven’t done anything. Also, I’ve been feeling very drained – for reasons my newest post attempts to explain. You should know by now I’m never going to hate you. Silly.
my friend just got really, really intoxicated when he was passing a stone. i hope that helps.
@JackIthighs - your friend has latched onto the cheapest (and possibly oldest) solution for dealing with pain – alcohol! Thank you for your suggestion. Mmm – vodka and cranberries…
Your computer is rattling instructive and your articles are wonderful.
http://www.renalcalculi.net