June 9, 2010

  • Koala Bears to Cannibal Crusaders - Omnoms

    I'm such a nerd. I love reading a good book on history, religion, or politics. I'm not opposed to reading science articles but if they move too far into the jargon it becomes less enjoyable. All in all, I like learning -  especially weird or goofy things. For example, I was thrilled to learn that the male platypus had venomous spurs in its hind legs. Who'd have thought that such a goofy-looking critter would be packing a dangerous and exceedingly painful venom? Not me, that's for sure!

    Seriously, everything but the people in Australia wants to kill you dead. Even the Koala bear is vicious. Tiny, cute, and vicious - try to pet one and see how many fingers you get back. The leaves it likes to eat, btw, are poisonous. That cute, little bear eats poison...probably why it's so cranky.

    Did you know the Crusaders ATE one of the towns they attacked during the First Crusade? Well, their planning of the Crusade kind of sucked and after several months walking they reached some mountains chuckfull of people who wanted to kill them. After a few weeks of that, the weather decided to hate anything not in a cave and it rained and pushed a bunch of guys off cliffs. AWESOME.

    The Crusaders left the mountains PISSED and starving so when they saw cities and towns full of people who were brown and totally looked like those assholes who'd been shooting at them they went MEDIEVAL ON THEIR ASSES. Ironically, those towns were full of Christians who just happened to be brown. Lacking faxes, the Crusaders didn't get the memo that believing in Jesus doesn't make people white. After they killed everybody and set the place on fire they ate some of them and went onto Jerusalem where they slaughtered every person they could catch - blood was said to run stirrup-high. The blood part is a myth - couldn't have been more than ankle deep...which is still a lot of blood.

    So the Crusaders did a great job killing all those damn...Christians, Jews, and Muslims in the area...for being brown and "looking like those guys who shot at us." This also allowed Islam to take over the area because all the Jews and Christians who had been living there were no longer living...there.

Comments (5)

  • *napoleon voice* ...friggin' IDIOTSsssssss...

    um, what were the brown people living off of?  why didn't the crusaders just kill them and eat their food supply instead of them??

    GO HAWKS!!!!!!!

  • @eowynnabeeowyn - brown people burned all the food they didn't eat. Any hidden food was burned up by the Crusaders when the burned everything else, lolz

  • Yay for reading! And for learning lots! Never know when some random piece of info is going to come in handy; like picking up a shotgun when you find yourself in some random kind of foggy place full of things that suddenly decide to kill you.

    Gotta say I really want a Koala. Cute, adorable, cuddly, poison noming, and potentially deadly but certainly harmful to your health.

  • @RavenStarwind - go with a hedgehog - cute little fuckers. Check some youtube vids on hedgehogs. Your heart will melt. Clouds, darkness, and fog all indicate that one needs a gun, a sidekick, and a brain-full of one-liners.

  • I already love hedgehogs. Especially when they are blue and run fast ;)

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