June 10, 2010

• A Magical Unicorn's Story of Gender and Sprinkles

  In class today we were discussing gender roles and I admitted I played with dolls growing up. The other guy in my group also admitted to doing the same. Somehow we then went on to talking about setting fire to Barbies and chucking stuffed animals into ceiling fans. I found it entertaining how feminine our pasts initially seemed and then how stereotypically destructive and aggressive it became. It also struck me as a very natural progression rather than a "But I'm still manly!" objection.

  When I was little I played with dolls and I didn't see anything wrong with that. Seeing as my little sister was usually around I think it pleased my parents to see us getting along. My sister grew up wanting to hang with my buds and I so despite all the "girl toys" my parents gave her she turned out tom-boyish in attitude but feminine in dress. I'm just glad that I have someone to watch horror films with. She doesn't often ask me to watch rom-coms with her but she knows I'll give most films a chance. I have been pleasantly surprised at times.

  I grew up playing sports and pointing toy guns at friends. Then girls started turning into women and for some reason I became more interesting to them. Oh, the irony - I had absolutely no interest in their attention. I did discover something that I liked about girls. No, not breasts. I discovered that they liked talking. My buddies must have experienced more head injuries growing up as they were disinterested in or incapable of having a conversation that wasn't about video games or "boobies". Despite my mental maturity I was slow in discovering the attention absorbing power of the female body.

  So while most guys were interested in talking with girls in hopes of scoring, I was actually interested in talking. This didn't turn out well for me as when you're at that confusing age girls believe that boys only pay attention to them if they're "interested." Being clueless, I was ill-equipped for avoiding confusion and hurt.

  Eventually I entered college and pumped my fist - I was finally going to be meeting other mature intellectuals! My hopes were dashed when I realized that my youthful appearence (read: looking 14) made most people ignore me. You see, when a Christian woman goes to a Christian college she is going their expecting to find a husband. Why? Because every jackass (male and female) suggests that college is where Christians enter one by one and exit two by two.

  I, looking exactly like the dork I was (and am), was not marriage material. I had glasses, I had acne, I was 90lbs soaking wet, and I looked like a freshman in high school rather than a freshman in college. I was more likely to be (and was) hit on by high school freshman than anyone my age. I was two months from graduating from college when a barber asked me how many more years of high school I had left.

  Needless to say, I was not the droid they were looking for...and I'm a nerd. But I like being a nerd. I like weird things, being weird, and meeting "weird" people. Weird is interesting because it is different. I started studying psychology to figure out why I was weird and I stuck with it because it introduced me even more weird.

  Oh, happy ending as this is going on too long - I met a bunch of super awesome friends who are delightfully weird and love conversations on everything from the silly to the deeply meaningful! Yay!

  • 3:02 am
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