September 2, 2010
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20 Perfectly Good Reasons to Hate Glenn Beck
1. He’s a mormon! That’s, like, a synonym of “retarded,” right?
2. He’s a xylophone! Nobody should like an instrument that hates instruments from another country.
3. He’s an arachnophobe! That sounds kind of like “Barrack” so he’s both an Islamophobe AND a racist!
4. He’s white! People with white skin are so racist that before birth their genes refused to accept any other color.
5. He’s not from an Ivy League school! Anyone who didn’t attend an Ivy League school is too flawed to hold a bucket, let alone an opinion echoed by large segments of the populace but voiced by him cuz he has a TV show.
6. He has sex with goats! I asked the goats about him and they said he was “baaaaaaaaaaad” – I can only assume the goats were rating his performance.
7. He’s obsessed with Hitler! Anyone who spends that much time thinking about Hitler must really, really want to have sex with them…which means he’s a hypocritical, homophobic, homosexual Nazi – and if there’s one thing that Americans stereotypical hate it’s all of those things! We can’t stand hypocrisy, homophobia, homosexuality, or Nazism – just ask any of the hypocrites, homophobes, homosexuals, and/or Nazis we’ve got running around.
8. He hates Catholics! He’s just like all of Europe despite his nationalistic pandering. There’s another hypocritical position!
9. He’s Eurocentric! Fuck those guys most of us came! Their culture was shit and (insert stereotype for each European nation here).
10. He’s making money! May he burn in hell for profiting from his work.
11. He’s disagrees with Obama! Only racists, rapists, and Republicans (which is redundant, I know) are against Obama.
12. He, reportedly, has a penis. Anything with a penis instinctually hates on and degrades women.
13. He has a family. Children are destroying the earth with their sticky little hands and a wife is just a woman chain to a man’s dick…or kitchen, depending on the time of the day.
14. He’s against socialism. For some reason he doesn’t think it’s the government’s responsibility to do whatever the fuck it wants with his wages – what an elitist prick.
15. He hates Jews. This is evidence by a) he’s white; b) He’s a Nazi; and c) He’s a Republican (again, I’m being redundant).
16. He talks where other people talked before. That bastard thinks he can get away with talking on the same day and in the same place as somebody that predates him by several decades? Our country is truly going to shit.
17. He’s on Fox News. Do you see that? Do you SEE it? He’s ON FOX News. Just in case the goats hadn’t tipped you off – Glenn Beck is into bestiality.
18. He thinks he’s right. Only people from Ivy League schools are entitled to think they’re right about anything.
19. He’s a bit chubby. Fat people are what is wrong with this country. It’s statistically proven that being fat causes someone to be white. Whiteness is the leading cause of racism, hatred, stupidity, being rich but somehow stupid, believing that magic doesn’t just cause shit to happen but that things have a cause (aka, they believe in God – how fucking silly is that? A CAUSE for things? Good grief – go back to banging rocks), and sexist (stop banging rocks against those women’s heads – they deserve the freedom to pay you to bang rocks into their unborn children). Really, everything wrong in the world is caused by being fat.
20. He thinks that he’s funny when he puts that pipe in his mouth and acts like he’s Ivy League. No, really, this one ACTUALLY bothers me. This one is real. It annoys me.
Comments (48)
As legitimate as any complaints I have seen
and he can’t throw a football….oh wait,thats Hannity,never mind
Amen! I don’t know why President Obama hasn’t shut down Fox News yet and had Roger Ailes prosecuted for sedition.
You’ve got the argument down, pat!
Hehehehehehehehehe! That was GREAT! Loved it. Made me laugh more than once.
I giggled.
This was pure awesomeness
Applying for the anti-Beck czar position?
It would seem that Glenn Beck is one shady character.
You left off #21. “Everything he says distorts the truth. How could you ever trust a guy that does that?”
#21 “he’s so racist, even his hair is turning white!”
“It’s statistically proven that being fat causes someone to be white.”
I don’t have a TV, and have no idea what a Glenn Beck is, but this is just… Marry me?
peace
“People with white skin are so racist that before birth their genes refused to accept any other color.” <– Lol…
~V
Fucking hillarious
@trunthepaige - I’ve heard he’s made of cheese which means he’s intolerant of the lactose intolerant – what a monster.
@Inspectorgrampy5 - you’ve reminded me of a point I missed – he hates soccer. I’ve been told by multiple sources that soccer is God’s sport so Beck obviously hates God. And babies. Maybe kittens too.
@SKANLYN - they’re all a bunch of meanies! You can’t be mean in America. We have laws against such barbarity.
@mtngirlsouth - Excellent! Laughter is what I’m going for!
.>
@CedricNewmoon - you are too kind. Thank you.
@firetyger - thank you very much!
@dropsofjupiterihh - I’z gots to get paid! If history has taught me anything it’s that you can make a lot of money off hating the right person – or through being a jackass. Hating someone takes more energy than my lazy bones can muster so I’ll stick to being a jackass – which comes naturally
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - fortunately, he’s very white so it’s easy to spot him in the shadows. Unfortunately, I’ve heard he can only be killed by driving an issue of the New York Times through his heart…which really sucks because all news reports indicate he has no heart.
@randomneuralfirings - Well, he is white – what do white people ever say that isn’t a lie meant to destroy women, homosexuals, minorities, and puppies? I’ve also heard that if he speaks a true word he has to kill a baby bunny.
@grim_truth - you’re right! Soon his skin may leech color from the very environment around him. I should invest money in the dye industry.
@pocket_mouse_poppet - the lack of a TV is your only protection from his evil. If you watch Glenn Beck you will be transformed into a Manpire. Manpire’s drain the color from others through their very, very white teeth – their racist teeth! They also hate women. And cookies.
21. Perverted, sexist, racist, creep-o employers are obsessed with him.
*shudder* That alone worked for me!!!
It looks like you have the talking points down pat.
You forgot # 21. He pulls shit like this straight out of his ass “In the Constitution, African Americans were deemed three-fifths people, because the founders wanted to end slavery and they knew if the South could count slaves as full individuals, you would never get the control to be able to abolish it.”
Lol, hilarious post.
#7 is actually true though.
Gleen Beck is an ignorant prick. I can’t say I hate him, but I can’t stand him.
@Chosen_Defined - he does love his Nazis – but doesn’t all of America? If we aren’t blasting them in video games we’re labeling our opponents as Nazis. One thing I do appreciate about him is that he, correctly, pointed out that Nazis aren’t on the Right Wing of the political spectrum. Buuuut that’s an entirely different post. Thank you for dropping in!
@eowynnabeeowyn - are you calling my grandmother a perverted racist creepo employer? I hate you! Waaaaaah! Actually, it was hilarious when she found out he was a mormon. She loved the guy and now she’s like “Whaaaaaa? NOOOOOO. I’M SO CONFLICTED!” Oh, and she is a little racist. CUZ SHE’S WHITE…well, mostly because she’s old.
@tendollar4ways - well I’m not sure innaccurate that statement is but I do know that there was a major split amongst the founders as to whether to allow for slavery. They “no slavery” crowd caved to get the nation going. But if they hadn’t we wouldn’t have such wonderful toys as the Race Card – Glenn Beck’s opponents would be left crying almost as much as he. Crap, I totally forgot to mention the crying.
@TheTheologiansCafe - I’m bucking for Robert Gibb’s job. I’m sure they’ll ask him to say something that’ll give him a stroke. It’s all Glenn Beck’s/Bush’s fault! (insert race card/Nazi reference here).
#22 “I’m thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I’m wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. … No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong?” GB
#23 Beck to an openly muslim US Congressman “I have been nervous about this interview with you because what I feel like saying is, ‘Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies. … And I know you’re not. I’m not accusing you of being an enemy, but that’s the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way.”
I feel that the sentiment behind the title of this entry is somewhat disingenuous. As though you were employing sarcasm to drive home a well thought-out and substantive argument.
All name calling and finger-pointing aside, given what he says on a regular basis, I cannot see how anyone can come to the conclusion that Glenn Beck is anything but batshit insane. Explain this to me please.
#22 He is loud.
#23 He is already loud and he shouts. (Which makes him 3 times as obnoxious, 10 times as much if the volume is turned way up on the TV)
hating him brings one down to his level… i don’t hate him, just feel really sorry for him
@eertrj - I neither hate nor pity him. I think he’s a non-issue that has reached scapegoat status through the abscence of George W. Bush.
@tendollar4ways - nobody can kill Michael Moore – his ego is too thick to penetrate.
@Babylons_Crowing - Maybe I just manage to catch him on his good days. He’s said a thing or two I definately thought were far-fetched. I think he’s not a big deal and hasn’t suggested anything worthy of all the buzz, negative or positive, surrounding him. I don’t believe him worthy of exaltation or being made a pariah – he’s just another talking head. If we’re worried about people saying untruthful or innaccurate things then just about every politicians, reporter, and lawyer is in trouble. Other than him being an easy target, I can’t surmise why he’s so hated.
@tendollar4ways - well at least he’s open about his biases. You can start a dialogue from there. Would you prefer he remain a closeted racist or one willing to admit to and discuss his prejudices?
@RavenStarwind - a lack of emotion would make him Wolf Blitzer (aka, boring) but too much emotion makes him annoying (pretty much himself). He admits to not being the most likeable guy so I’ll give him props for at least that. I neither understand his popularity nor the ire directed at him. He’s sort of like Tickle Me Elmo to me – a fad that people are willing to fight over now but will be meaningless a decade from now. He’s just a chubby white mormon on Fox News – he can’t help that he’s not a skinny, blonde lawyer!
@JJ_Ames -
I admit most of my reasons for disliking him are because of my frustrations to the person watching him. Now that I haven’t heard him blasting over what I’m watching I find I really don’t care either way about him.
Though it was really funny when Colbert took a shot at his radio show, because it really sounded like he hadn’t had his coffee yet.
For some reason I just got had the random thought that Tickle Me Elmo was an alien conspiracy. I really didn’t understand that fad either, Cookie Monster is way better than Elmo.
@JJ_Ames - HAHAHA….love Beck and I love people like you who defend him. Nuts….you guys are insane. It is great as long as you aren’t getting us into needless wars, stealing from the poor to give to the rich, etc….but honestly…I love you guys.
as if we need any more.. as soon as the man opens his mouth you can tell what a moron he is.
@RavenStarwind - But Elmo’s voice is “cuter,” and with that doll, the laugh was everything. Personally, Grover is my favorite.
@tendollar4ways - and we love you too. You give us someone to argue ceaselessly with regardless of what the facts are.
@Orlando - Everybody loves a freak show – you’d think that Beck would be more popular if the rumors were true.
Such a shame that half the world doesn’t understand sarcastic and ironic humor; and such a good thing that they don’t seem to be here on your site;
Your list is beautiful. It also reminded me that, Glenn Beck having a family, including both a mom and dad, means he hates single moms.
@eowynnabeeowyn -
I would have to agree with that. It was a little maniacal.
Haha; these reasons actually make more sense than those the Beck-bashers usually list.
just change the name at the top, o’reilly or that other tub of lard….oh, limpdick or limba, that’s it.
It’s sad and funny that, no matter how sarcastic and over the top you were with this list, some posters didn’t quite get it.
@efarns - with one of my other posts I was accused of being a bleeding heart liberal…I laughed and cried. Sarcasm is lost on some people – but I’m glad you enjoyed it!