Sadness – my little sister is moving to St. Louis this coming Sunday. She and her little dog, Kiwi (who has become the mascot of the household), will be out of our lives. She’s going to school in that area. Her boyfriend also happens to live in that area (coincidence? Probably not, lol). If she really hits it off with him she may never return (save on the holidays). It is a time of transition, of change, and, as usual, I am averse to it. I swear I fight with her far more often than my parents (on occassion as opposed to next to never) but she is far more accepting of me. The understanding that siblings share, yes?

For ye jobless saps who were pressured into college and now are stuck with family, know that this is a pattern. The early portions of Gen X had this problem. For those of you not born between 1980 and 1990, rejoice that you’ll likely see a recovered economy by the time you leave college. Not only that, but you’ll likely be in high demand. For those of you without jobs now, sorry – you’re hosed. Bwahahahaha!

It’s raining today. I love rainy days. I think I’ll sit on the porch with a fat cigar and listen to the rain fall. After that I’ll have a glass of whiskey and then finish my homework. It’s 7am now and I’ve already done 3 hours of it so I’m almost done – the joys of boredom. Lately I’ve had no interest in anything “fun” so I’ve had no temptation to avoid my homework and other assignments. I need money to pursue something new but as that isn’t happening I’m taking advantage of my lack of distractions and concentrating on job searching along with school.

Yeah, I caved. I’ll pick up that job to get my parents off my back and mop up the pain of juggling my chainsaw-laden schedule with money and the music it will purchase. Music is cheap therapy and it’s easier to kick that drugs, alcohol, and antidepressants (which have the withdrawel of cocaine, believe it or not. You can DIE from antidepressant withdrawel).

I’m actually looking forward to the job I might be picking up. It won’t involve ANY thinking and WILL involve a lot of physical work. Cathartic exercise and a workout and I’ll get paid for it – I guess that makes up for all the counseling I do pro bono. Physical work lowers my stress so I’m seeing nothing but “win” in this.

I’m in a writing mood but I tend to keep my blogs shorter because most people don’t have the attention span for more than a few paragraphs…Eh, maybe I’ll post again later. I go two weeks with nothing much to say and now I just want to blog and blog and blog. Thanks, brain.

My father says I’m in a rut. To my family, “in a rut” consists of not being constantly busy, not working 14 hour days. Grad school? Is that all you’re doing? Lazy bastard. Grad school and a full time job? That’s okay if you’re crippled or sickly. Grad school, full time job, and raising a family? Now you’re getting closer to the mark. Grad school, full time job, raising a family, and a part time job volunteering in some capacity? That’s par. You can never be ahead of the curve or exemplary in my family. You can only be “good enough.”

Just about everything I enjoy doing is considered a waste of time by them. My work as a counselor is approved but it’s not considered “work” because I’m not being paid for it. My studies for my second grad degree are more like a hobby to them.

So I’m a tad frustrated, as is likely apparent. This is nothing new, they’ve always expected a lot. There is nothing that I can do that is impressive, only what is expected or what is lacking. I guess that’s what I get for being born to robots from the future. Somehow they managed to have a human child. Maybe if I cure cancer, AIDS, and blindness I’ll stop getting the “stink-eye” whenever I play video games.

Eh, who the hell am I kidding? I’m always going to get the stink-eye for gaming. My parents do an amazing impression of the overbearing, success-driven parents my Asian friends complain about. One of my classmates is a transfer from China. She holds a very similar view of work and money to my own – the purpose of both is to purchase you the free time to pursue what you’re passionate about. Neither of us cares about money; we’d rather spend our time developing relationships and enriching the lives of others.

Bah, why couldn’t I have been born enjoying things that make money?!

I’m in a class right now about generational differences. We watched a video about 1968 a couple nights ago and it was somewhat comforting. 1968 was a terrible year for the United States. Assassinations, riots, a divided nation, an unpopular and costly war, and the threat of Communism still very real. In comparison, things aren’t that bad right now. Race is still a big issue but we don’t have riots and blazes. We haven’t had a President, a major civil rights figure, or a senator assassinated. Our current wars have been costly in dollars but we’re not seeing thousands of corpses returning to our shores each month. We’re not seeing a bunch of dirty hippies picking fights with cops, bombing government buildings, or just generally engaging in dirty hippiness.

I hate hippies.

We still have a nation divided along party lines. This isn’t surprising seeing as the same jerkoffs who were causing trouble in ’68 are now our teachers, judges, and politicians. They will continue to hate “The Man” despite now being The Man and those who think The Man is preferable to drug addled, std infested, unwashed Commis will continue to despise their attempts to destroy America. The Baby Boomers divided us and it’s unlikely we’ll unite again without a major war – and guess which side wins when that happens?

Conservatives.

It’s cyclical. Major wars tend to create a generation of people who hate war – and it’s almost never the generation that had to fight it. The generation that fights the war sees it as horrible but necessary and hopes and prays that its children will never have to experience what they did. Their children debate the morality of war from the safety of a world their parents fought to create.

You can probably guess how I feel about Baby Boomers who were hippies and never grew up.

According to the book I’m currently reading, I’m a Millenial. If you were born after 1982 you get to join me in that category. Anyone who calls us “Generation Me” is getting kicked in the pants. A lot of historians consider the Baby Boomers to be the most spoiled, self-centered generation yet somehow Generation X and the Millenials get pegged as the self-centered, shallow generations.

We learned from the best.

My parents are both Boomers but they act more like Veterans (the Greatest Generation). I’m not sure how well I sync up with any generation but as I just barely missed being part of X (and in some calculations I still belong to X) I’m probably a bit of X and a bit of Millenial. I think I was 10 when the internet went public (1994?) and now there are kids who are 10 who have never experienced a world without it. Although what really shocks me is a world that has never experience the original Nintendo or Atari.

8-bit for life, yo.

Judge Bolton’s ruling on the Arizona law broke my heart. To summarize her decision: Arizona can’t enforce federal immigration laws because it’d create too much work for the Feds.

Your tax dollars at work, folks! And by “at work” I mean “being wasted on signs that say ‘Putting America back to work.’” So the Feds will waste 11 million dollars blowing themselves but we won’t let cops check the papers of people busted for various crimes?

There is no portion of government I have any faith in. Even our “justice” system is corrupt. I am past disappoinment and into disillusionment. There is no justice this side of the grave. I’d sooner trust a drug addict than a politician, a lawyer, or a judge. They are liars, twisters, and money chasers. There is no point in having laws if we won’t enforce them and there is no such thing as justice if it only applies to some.

Meanwhile, all the cities breaking federal law by openly offering sanctuary to illegal immigrants aren’t being pressured by the feds.

I hate it. I hate it so much.

Here’s a little diddy to get things started…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYws8biwOYc

Ah yes, I could use that as my theme song. I’m impatient but life is a game of hurry up and wait. I would be less frustrated if I used God as a yardstick rather than by trying to measure up by society’s standards. He is both more forgiving and unchanging. What does society want? It changes often and will contradict itself at times. If you can’t be two things that sit at opposite poles and everything in between then you don’t measure up.

The bitching past, I love Sundays. I have a big lunch after church and then a bigger nap.

Bitching returns, I hate Mondays. The start of the week annoys me – and it’s not even Monday’s fault! It’s all Sunday. Well, it has more to do with the weekend screwing up my beloved routine and having to reestablish it.

Tuesday I spend preparing for Wednesday and Thursday because they’re the busiest days of my week. Wednesday and Thursday are busy – meetings, people, and projects.

Friday – drug myself into staying awake to hang out with friends or pass out all day.

Saturday – do all of my homework because my friends are busy elsewhere.

That, with a little variation, has been my schedule for months. However, I like routine. I don’t like surprises. Give me two weeks notice and I can put up with anything. Place the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, held by a comely lass, and tell me I’ve got an hour to collect both prizes and I’ll look at you like you’ve just murdered my family. It isn’t just my love of routine that makes me inflexible (when it comes to schedule) but the fact that I have very tightly packed every day. Down to the minute, I know what I’m doing and how long it will take me. Throwing in a new element causes everything to fall apart.

Shifting gears drastically, politics as usual in America is keeping my TV off and the newspaper unread. It’s the same stupidity repeated endlessly. It is futile to rage against it but I find myself wanting to reach through my television and strangle some people just to get them to shut up for a moment – I can’t take the lies and the spin anymore! It’s too damn blatant, and if not blatant then inane, to be tolerated. They’re either liars or fools and I cannot stand either. I grind my teeth and every muscle that would be involved in choking the dumb out of someone tenses.

But as my father taught me (in regards to dating), “beauty lasts only a moment, dumb is forever.” All of that to say I don’t think I can choke, beat, or cajole politicians and lobbyists into behaving properly. The best I can do is remove their power to fuck things up…and I don’t really have the power to oppose them on my own.

Violence is probably the only way I could stand on equal ground with them and all that would lead to is them being called American heroes and me dead or in jail. It doesn’t matter how scummy a politician is before dying; he’s a damn hero that will be praised by his political party when he dies. His past will get whitewashed and his party will cash in his “virtues” for votes – they will ride that undead horse until they’ve beaten it into dust.

It’s all so disgusting our nation should be known for how ghastly thin it is from bulimia. Good thing we’re all fat and ignorant, yes?

I’ve spent most of the past few days passed out in bed. I’m making up for a very hectic and sleep deprived weekend. Beyond a lack of sleep and a hard workout I spent a lot of time with people and being social is easily the most draining thing I can do. I enjoy interacting with others but it drains me like nothing else. There are very few people who don’t drain me of energy when I’m with them and those have generally learned when to let me be alone. I’m somewhat glad I’m so far behind on my reading because it’ll give me a convinient excuse to avoid everyone including my family.

Hermit mode engaged.

Despite my desire to lock myself in my room with a book, I have counseling work and another presentation due tomorrow. I’ve also got a (late) paper to write.

Speaking of papers, that reminds me that one of my classmates wants me to get married. He’s from India and rather old-school when it comes to marriage so he seems to think I’m putting off marriage. Oh yes, I’m definately avoiding women, having sex, and raising children – all three of them are icky. His marriage was arranged so I’m sure the concept of “finding” someone is foreign to him. I knew he was urging me to marry because he cares so it was sweet.

But I’ve been “looking” for almost a decade when most people go through relationships like I go through candy – rapidly and with vigor. Mmm, candy…thank God, in a literal sense, that I have a rapid metabolism and strong teeth!

Back to my recollection of my dateless existence. My timing sucks. I’ve met several women I’d have happily dated and joyfully married if not for a serious fly in the ointment – they were a) already married or b) getting married. Being both conservative and chivalrous, a ring on her finger makes her sexuality a matter of honor; something to be guarded out of respect for both her and her chosen love. I am happy that she is happy and I must prune any designs I had for more than friendship.

Dammit.

Beyond my magical ability to put rings on women’s fingers, I also seem to have been born at the wrong time. There are very few women of my age in my area – and the few that there are are married. *tears along with the fist-shake of determination* There’s at least half a decade in either direction between anyone even semi-dateable and while that might not sound like much there would be a large difference in life experience.

Add to all of that that I’m picky and cautious by nature and you have a list of obstacles which are possibly only surmountable by God – and He’s not showing His hand.

Bah!

What is it with all these ladies making their spellchecks against my Dire Charm? It’s not like I made Charisma or Intelligence into dumpstats! fyi, you’re a huge nerd if you understood either of the previous two sentences. Which might not be a bad thing as nerds seem to be breeding these days but they’re probably still only rolling 1d4 for hit dice which is just sad.

I’m really tired. I had two days to crunch numbers for a presentation for tonight and that required me to read 1800 responses and then categorize them. I’ve shoe-horned three or four days worth of work into two days. I’m either painfully bored or painfully busy – nothing in moderation for this slave/student.

This weekend should be quiet so I should be able to catch up on my Kobold killing

I feel like I’m forgetting something big though…

I heard something interesting in a meeting today – BP pressured the Brits to release that Lybian bomber that supposedly was going to die of prostate cancer a short time after release (and is now probably going to live as a hero for another decade).

If you didn’t hate BP already…

Speaking of getting away with murder, Roman Polanski is free to roam the world, “artistically” using the butts of children. Justice is blind if you slip her some money or favors. Europe is busy patting itself on the back for freeing a court-fleeing, child rapist. Great job, Europe! Maybe you’ll nominate Hitler as a “visionary social engineer” next and forget about the human toll his “revival” of Germany required.

It’s only a crime if you’re poor – and being poor is practically a crime in itself!

Polanski is proof that we should turn to Europe for guidance on how to make wise decisions here in America. Our judicial and economic system can only be helped by such visionaries as those contained within Europe. We certainly aren’t descended from people who thought “fuck this shit” and gave up their lives to escape the ass-backward ways of that continent. We only kicked the British out because we were bored. The Natives weren’t killing enough us (or them in turn) so we figured we’d start something with our rulers – you know how much Americans love their violence and guns (and gun violence!) Oh, we also love explosions.

We fought fascism and communism for the same reason – nothing like a good fight! They had the right idea but the wrong execution. What did Europe do wrong with both of those systems? They weren’t Americans! Americans will take European socialism and make it work! We’ll be Nazis without all the Jew hating! Let’s establish those social programs that regulate firearms, physical health, and labor. Is it regulate? No? What the hell! Regulate everything! America needs to run like a German machine because what’s better than a Panzer tank? Nothing save a Panzer painted in America colors and driven by a country music musician! Oh, throw some slutty women on the tank for good measure – and have them firing off fireworks.

We love our explosions, dammit!

Yes, let us grab hold of the failed systems of Europe and use them here in America. It isn’t the system but those stupid Europeans that have fucked-up socialism. Once American tries its hand at it, it will all work out. We will usher in the glorious, American utopia of the future where all women are robots whose breasts are rockets and every time they open their mouths sandwiches fall out. All people will be equal regardless of contribution and war and conflict will cease because we’ll all be too busy holding hands and blowing things up to fight. Oh, and nobody will care to fight over anything because selfishness and hatred will die with all those Christians we’ll “relocate” to Happy-happy Fun Camp.

How will they reach that camp – an explosion, duh! See you in hell, you intolerate bastards! Our intolerant intolerance is born of pure motives and the wisdom of those free of religion – society must be purged of those who think their way is right!

In conclusion, import European ideals and then do the American thing – explode it into perfection.

I have a lot of violent dreams. I think this reflects my discomfort with responsibilities I don’t want but can’t be rid of. In the dreams, I am confronted by those that would harm me with little or no justification. I avoid them until cornered and then I lash out.

It reflects my personality. I’m generally easygoing so I’ll put up with a lot of abuse and stress. If someone manages to push me long enough or jumps straight to threatening me, I dig in my heels and set my jaw. I will get along with difficult people even when we strongly disagree on a subject. If they refuse to get along or leave alone I won’t roll over. I will put up with more if it is directed at me and less if it is directed at others. I hate it when people abuse each other.

I almost smashed my alarm clock today. I was dreaming that I was being attacked and I’d managed to dodge an attack causing my attacker to overextend himself. I took advantage of that vulnerable position, grabbed his head, and smashed it into a brick wall – only the “head” was my clock and the “brick wall” was my thin wall. Fortunately, the cord dragged and I was smashing downward so it mostly nudged the wall. I gave the alarm a good smack though.

Originally these dreams caused me to throw a punch. I’ve bloodied my knuckles a few times – we had an exposed, brick wall in our dorms. I moved on to kneeing and/or kicking – a few bruising and a stubbed toe. I can’t wait till I’m “tearing out throats” and wake to a disemboweled pillow. Maybe I’ll headbutt the wall.

Maybe I’m just a psychopath conveniently packaged in a weak, docile frame. Somehow I still manage to intimidate people (in person). I’ve been told I look “serious” and/or “brooding.”

Little do they know I’m texting my best friend about unicorn giggles and how much I love animals and frolicking. OR the time I told her that I was surrounded by squirrels, chirping birds, and butterflies and texted “I’m a magical Disney princess – tee-hee!”

Oh yes, I’m terribly dark and brooding.

Freaking mosquitos are everywhere. Even remaining in my house hasn’t kept me safe. I’ve got half a dozen bites while inside.

I need another 20k in XP to reach level 6 and each Kobold I kill is only worth 7xp – which is split amongst 6 party members. Maybe I’ll herd a bunch of them into a corner and cast “fireball” into their center…several hundred times…

I’ve spent the last few days returning to my nerd roots. And by “return” I really mean “watering them until they encompass my world.” Many, many Kobolds have exploded and/or been turned into squirrels – usually in the reverse order if the two were combined. It seems both morbid and wasteful to turn Kobold bits into squirrel bits. There was one particular dungeon where the little freaks kept respawning. Imagine my annoyance when I carefully cleared a set of tunnels only to find them teaming with Kobolds. It was like “Trouble with Tribbles” only with more bows and flaming arrows and less Kirk. There were still plenty of pointy ears.

Nothing like braining a three-feet tall dog-lizard to make a man feel like an unwashed, basement-dwelling nerd.

NERD.

Shariah Law, aka “hardcore Islam”, has not left the Afghan government. We chased the Taliban out but the crooks we left in charge are just as anti-”anything but Islam.” You can be jailed and/or executed for a) being gay, b) saying anything negative about Islam, or c) converting to any religion other than Islam. The United States is giving millions of dollars of aid, spending billions fighting a war, and sacrificing the lives of its soldiers to support a regime that does not believe in freedom or justice. Have we learned nothing from our past mistakes? Even if this doesn’t come back to bite us in the ass, the people of Afghanistan will suffer under backward and corrupt leadership.

We are doing the heavy lifting – our “allies” need to shape-up or we need to use some muscle to indicate that we will not tolerate such abuses. Our men and money have bought a right to make some demands. Despite some diplomatic missteps, we treat our allies well and Afghanistan should be reminded of this. Work with us and prosper. Act against us and enjoy getting bombed back into the middle ages!

Whelp, back to casting Magic Missile into the darkness. Then I’ll roll to see if I’m getting drunk.

I had a great idea for a post…and I forgot it.

Instead, you’re stuck with me talking about a paper I recently wrote. The assignment was to write about issues facing global leader and I chose the future of Capitalism. I took a look at ten, peer-reviewed journals for the paper and all but one of them said that the government is the primary cause of the economic downturn. The secondary causes are businesses in league with or pressured by the government to take stupid risks for political reasons. Although a lot of people “lost their shirts” over the downturn, there were also a lot of “pirates” who swooped in and looted – many of them with government connections (some of them in Congress). Two of the sources blaming the government were economists from Stanford and Harvard. The one oddball journal was written by a Marxist.

Oh, the tertiary reason is voter apathy/compliance. Too many people vote lock-step with politicians that support larger government (on both sides of the aisle). Too many people clamor for government control whenever something goes wrong. They beg the government to save them and the government is happy to have their support and power (and some more taxes to maintain both).

In other news, we caught 10 Russian spies and the Russian government accused us of stupidity, brutality, and racism. The reaction from our leaders? *shrug* Am I the only one who thinks we should be kicking the Russian diplomats out of our country in protest? We had a harsher reaction to Israel and that didn’t involve our national security or image. Obama continues to look like an impotent fool that makes Barbara Bush look like Rambo combined with Ronald Reagan and Chuck Norris. He whines whenever someone disagrees with him or fails to lavish him with praise. When someone truly injures him or those he’s supposed to protect the most he does is make a speech promising to do something.

And what he does is sit on his thumbs. That and support his cronies. He’s the Big Government of Nixon with the leadership ability of Carter. I’d call him a pussy but that’d be an insult to cats and/or vaginas – a comparison unfair to cat vaginas!

If Chicago is proof of anything it’s that you vote the bums out or they’ll eat you out of house and home – and then invite their friends to stay. These parasites are never satisfied and won’t detach willingly – burn ‘em.