I'm having a hard time generating rage or even disappointment in the stupidity and myopia of my government. I've come to expect them to lie and spin and spout nonsense. I'm sure they could find a way to do a worse job, I know they haven't hit rock bottom, but as my pappy once said "They've failed to meet the low expectations they set for themselves." I am disappointed that they've set such a low standard as to kill any desire in me to pay attention to the news. When I see someone I recognize as being a mouthpiece for the White House I immediately tense as I'm expecting words that will cause me physical pain. If I had a camera I could provide photographic evidence of the horrific, physical symptoms these words bring on.

But seeing as I don't...I'll just tell you that it makes me bleed like someone stricken by ebola. Then I burst into flames as my body attempts to purge itself of the apocalyptic sludge clinging to it inside and out. Feeding myself head-first into a woodchipper is the physical equivalent of what their politically correct and factually deficient words do to my brain. My poor, poor brain begs them to be the transparent, honest government that was promised in 2008.

See? No rage! Just bleeding from every hole and screaming "Your words are lodged in my brain like shards of superheated glass!" That's despair. There's nothing funny about despair.

Meanwhile, Obama tours Asia. He's sad that we nuked them. Which if you know much about WWII means he's sad more Americans and Japanese didn't die in vicious, toe-to-toe fighting. Ooooooh - I think I feel some rage sparking. Why does our dear leader need to visit foreign countries to apologize for how much we suck? Can't those countries either a) use their long standing opinion of us sucking or b) just watch our news where they'll be bombarded with a) proof that we suck or b) manufactured proof that we suck? I'm not one to run around telling people about all the ways I suck because that'd be dishonest. I'm flawed but those flaws are only a small part of who I am. I feel like it's the same with America. We've got our problems but we've got a lot of strengths to offer to the world.

But don't tell our dithering, self-loathing leader that. I thought that only Jews stereotypically hated themselves? Wait, wait - upperclass leftists. I forgot about them. They love to wallow in self-hatred. The roll around in the money and success that makes them feel so guilty and then they do everything in their power to redistribute OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY. And somehow they feel less like shitty people when they give away other people's money. Somehow they think they're saving the world by screwing the middle class and making the lower class dependent on handout. It's certainly not hypocritical and stupid.

Nope - still not angry. I'm just disgusted. The survival of socialist ideas and ideals is proof that intelligent people can believe in and act upon dumb ideas. It shouldn't surprise me, we're all human and prone to folly, but trying to get a failing idea to work by trying it again and again and again is only commitment to failure or insanity.

Let's socialize America - maybe when it fails miserably here people will finally stop believing in this crappy idea.

My body's clock is messed up. I'm awake until the sun begins to rise and then I sleep until it sets. I've become a nocturnal creature. I hunt canned goods and beer in the cold darkness of IL's suburbs. Families of chilis gather around the campfire to tell stories of how I jam a knife into the heads of naughty cans and eat their insides. Sodas speak of me in hushed voices because they fear that the mere mention of me summons me from the bleak hole that is my room. If they're lucky I'll choose an apple to bite or a carton of milk to drain.

Speaking of bites, I hate the Twilight/vampire craze. Vampires have never been the most manly of creatures (Ann Rice saw to that) but now they're both effeminate AND teenagers. Vampires should not SPARKLE ever. And vampires should consider the sun an enemy if only for their health - they are creatures of the night. They don't go to high school because they can't go out in the day. And they don't date teenage girls because they're annoying (for the most part).

Moving to a more serious form of biting, the Ft. Hood shootings. I was unhappy to hear that so many were injured. I was even more unhappy to hear that it was one of our own who did the shooting. And now I'm getting pissed because most of the media is burying this guy's obvious issues and connections to radical Islam. When that abortion provider was gunned down Christians received a lot of flak for "hate speech" and their beliefs leading to violence. This Muslim guy goes on a shooting spree and the connection to his faith is kept out of the picture. It's bullshit that Christians get bashed and Muslims get a pass - either bash both or neither. And I think you should bash neither. Regardless of how good an idea is there will be idiots who take it up and try to implement it.

How many Christians do you see blowing themselves up in marketplaces and hospitals? Tiller (the murdered abortionist from earlier in the year) was a murderer in my book and a law-breaker with friends in high places that kept him out of prison - but he WAS murdered. What he did was wrong and it wasn't corrected by the wrong done to him. And because of both men Christians and the pro-life movement suffered - three wrongs and no right. Strike that - four wrongs. The fourth wrong is that Muslim murderer is protected by his religion. He certainly acted in a hateful way but he'll face no hate crime charges. For those who truly believe Islam is a religion of peace this man and his version of Islam should be condemned as an anethema. Does he not represent something antithetical to Western values? He murders en mass in the name of God.

And if anyone is dumb enough to bring up the Crusades I will kill you. I will kill you so dead you'll resurrect so I can kill you again. I will club your head into a puddle of mush with the cudgel of history and I will eat the remains of your flimsy brain so I can crap it into the toilet such foolishness belongs in. The whole "Christians are evil and use violence" stigma is a) bullshit and b) contrary to historical FACT as opposed to narratives created to push an agenda that would twist or destroy truth to support a "noble" message. I will show up at your house dressed in bloody armor crafted from history texts and armed with giant hammer built of MORE textbooks (stupid college making me buy books ALL the time) and cemented with the brains of previous fools. That hammer will be heavy, folks, so don't tempt fate (even if you want to see such an oddly dressed berserker).

Jumping off that bunny trail, Muslims who murder people are primarily MURDERERS. Christians who murder people are a) murderers and b) not acting in a Christ-like manner. If you blow yourself up in a market place, mosque, or hospital you are a) an asshole, b) a monster, c) a terrorist, and d) a murderer. You're not a hero, you're not a warrior, and you're certainly not a victim. If you're pissed at America the answer isn't to shoot or blow up people who have little or no power to do anything.

You might think that Christian guy/gal you know is a jerk but you're not afraid he'll shoot you or she'll blow herself up because you told them their Bible study was pointless bullshit. Why? Partly because of their faith (I'd hope) but also because they, and you, were raised in the West. We don't believe in violence deciding who is right. We believe in being civil even if we don't always practice it. There's a lot of good in the culture here in the West so let's not forget or destroy that in the name of tolerance and diversity - sometimes WE have it right.

Look him up - he's in the Bible. And the reason I mention him is because I'm in a Masters program for Management and Organizational Leadership. And just in case you're too lazy to look him up, he sucked at leading. I don't have a Bible handy or I'd give you the exact chapter but look in 2nd Kings around chapter 8, I believe. If not, try 1st Kings around the same area. I think the Dems should read that passage too because a growing number of Americans are voicing what the Israelites said about 2500 years ago. And what did they say? Something like "Be nicer to us and we'll serve/follow you." Just in case you're very dense or exceedingly tired, Rehoboam said the WRONG THING and lost most of his kingdom.

Come on, Obama! You're supposed to unite the United States! And Congress, pull your head out of your ass and start listening to people if you want to keep your insanely cushy jobs. You get paid a ton of money and perks to spend other people's hard-earned money. Your job makes the most spoiled of cats jealous and yet people are growing increasingly confident that cats could a) do a better job and b) care more about people. You spend more time praising your spending of our cash than you do doing anything useful. Want people to be happy with you? TRY CUTTING BACK ON THE TAXING AND SPENDING, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

Back to me. I'm learning about leadership and I'm enjoying it a great deal. I'm hoping that in the future I'll be able to combine my people skills with leadership ability to make a good...something. I have trouble picturing myself as a boss but I'm growing tired of idiots running the show, name a show and there's probably an idiot running it, and if nobody else is going to step up I guess it's up to me. I've got a long way to go but I'm excited to be discovering new things about myself.

Apparently I'm an excellent speaker. To which I say...*grabs cape* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don your jumpsuits, peons, and follow me in conquering the world! Why aren't you donning your jumpsuits? Oh! I forgot to mention the cookies! I've got cookies! You get jumpsuits AND cookies! I've also been told I'm a good hugger and entertaining in my madness. And folks, I'm mad all the freaking time.

I've also rediscovered that my voice carries really, really well. I don't have a super-deep voice but it penetrates walls like Superman's x-ray vision. Old women, nearly deaf and on death's door will tap my hand and say "your voice carries really well" and then I wonder if that's a compliment or her asking me to tone it down. Even when I'm being quiet my stupid voice is always being heard! All of that to say I've got a voice to public speaking. I used to hate giving presentations but I'm steadily growing to enjoy them because I've realized something I should have known all along - I love talking to people about things I care about. I love to inform people about fun and thought-provoking things. I guess I'm growing in my appreciation of the spoken word while continuing to hone my ability to communicate in the written.

Trust is the foundation of leadership. A lot of Americans don't trust their government or their leaders - and often for good reason. Our country is weaker and our people are unhappy because we CAN'T trust our government. Support men and women of integrity in both politics and business. Demand that people act ethically, not just talk about it and demand it of others. This finger-pointing bullshit needs to stop - let the heads roll! If your leader is a sleezebag in his personal life you can bank on him SCREWING YOU. If anyone says what someone does in private or off the job doesn't matter please give them an incredulous look. Who they are at home is who they'll be in the office - who they are internally will surface and POWER amplifies, for better or worse, that affect.

It's time to launch the zig for great justice!

I've been contemplating a return for about two weeks now and I'm finally getting around to it. I was waiting for something to really piss me off to put the fire back in my belly. Although there have certainly been some things that have irked me there hasn't been anything so aggravating as some of the garbage that happened during the summer and so my return was delayed. But I'm here now. So what has pulled me out of the dark?

Nothing really but I'm sure I can find something to rant about. I've had a lot of "tee-hee" moments watching the news lately - Obama may literally be surrounded by idiots and they're the albatross around his neck. Am I delighted that he's failing? Yes and no, if I'm honest. "Yes" because he's an arrogant elitist who surrounds himself with "Yes Men." "No" because a) it's my nation he's tanking through indecision and poor decisions (which is worse?) and b) because I think he's a well-intentioned fool. Oh, back to the "Yes" category for a moment - he's a whiney bitch. Has there ever been a president so whiney and thin-skinned? Bush was kicked in the nuts daily and he chuckled back at us for eight years - BALLS-OF-STEEL. Obama? PUSSY. He cries foul over ANY criticism, legitimate or not, and if you're the President of the United States you can expect a torrent of criticism of both types.

It's easy for me to talk shit about Obama, I'm not making decisions that can get people killed, but I'd like to think that I'm not the kind to hesitate on important decisions. The Afghan decision? Would have been made months ago. Iran? They'd be in big trouble - none of our continued pussy-footing. Korea? Probably still be ignoring them. Russia wanting us to remove our missiles? I'd have joined Poland for a photo-op of us laughing and flicking off a Russian flag. Diplomacy doesn't equal kissing the feet of bullies.

Bullies: China, Russian, N. Korea, and Iran.

How do you feel about all of the trade the United States does with China? I hate it. The government of China is oppressive and has a horrible humanitarian record but we're FEEDING that fat spider so it can become an even bigger predator. The West is making China powerful and China is in turn doing everything it can to a) continue growing and b) undermine the West. If you check out their voting record in the UN you'll notice that they vote against us and for ASSHOLES. They lock arms with Russia to protect dictatorial nations that thrive on suffering and exploitation. They are KILLERS. The intellectual "elite" of America are fond of whining about all our missteps while we allow China, Russia, and their pseudo-protectorates to oppress their own people. If a point value were assigned we'd come out looking like saints. It's stupid. It's nonsense.

If I find anything frustrating it's that we've got viable solutions for cleaning up our country and aiding others but instead we hate ourselves, ignore the good, and consider "options" that have failed not only overseas but also in trials here in the U.S. (we've actually tried state-run health care at least twice - both miserable failures). I'm also sick of how corporate greed is bankrupting our nation by shipping our capability and cash overseas. We're a nation slowly becoming owned by a nation that hates us. A friend of mine was in China during 9/11 and while she cried over the tragedy the other student at her university CHEERED. The Chinese hate us because their government teaches them we're evil. Many in the Middle East are also poisoned against us by anti-West propaganda.

And Obama approaches them with hugs and kind words. Our business pour billions into their nations for a quick buck. They're sowing the seeds of destruction.

I've heard it has a metalic taste.

I've been feeling very antisocial the past couple weeks - so much so that even interactions through the internet are more than I'd like. I'm probably a tad depressed. This is my professional opinion based on not wanting to get out of bed in the morning and generally hating all activities I enjoyed only two weeks ago. Not to worry though - I've been through this forest enough times it might as well be named after me.

Poverty and obligations are the only thing keeping me from locking myself in my room only to emerge when I feel less like a grumpy and sullen bear. The kind of bear that doesn't roar at you for awakening him or stumbling into his territory but rather just stares at you sadly - which is your chance to make tracks before his moody contemplation turns to thoughts of mauling and how satisfying an angry outburst would be in the short term.

I've been playing a lot of Lord of the Rings: Online lately. The repetition of "kill monster, loot corpse, buy better gear, repeat" has been a nice distraction from adult pursuits like yelling and/or arguing with people over this or that. It's much easier for me to maintain a level of anger that energizes rather than drains when I'm acting as an advocate for someone but when it's my own ass on the line I tend to tire of the arguing and just look sick dealing with it.

If this keeps up, she's going to cap your asses on my behalf - promise.

So the options as they currently stand for me are a) retake the course with the same woman I've accused of bias (and who also happens to be painfully boring and a wording-Nazi) or b) flush my masters degree and two years of work. Somebody please remind me when I signed up for a ball-kicking contest and explain to me why it's never my turn? Argle-blarg!

In other news, Ted Kennedy is just about the only thing on the news. If he sat up in his casket and asked for water I could see how this might still be news but so far nothing about his status has really changed - he's still very dead. If he gets up and starts biting people put that on the news - I need time to load my shotgun. Otherwise, please move on and report on something important like how crazy the Middle East is - I blame the heat.

Consider this, you live in a very hot region where the sun seems to rise each morning just to flip you the bird - I'd be angry too. Add to this a lack of proper education and centuries of leaders pointing the finger at easy targets and you get angry people looking for someone's butt to kick. See that? I just summarized the crisis in the Middle East and why it's not going away.

Did you know that there are over 80 million slaves in the world today? Did you also know that Arab nations have been the leading consumers of "African labor" for centuries? While that doesn't negate the West's responsibility for being jerks to their fellow man it also suggests that "white guilt" is a product of disinformation. It should also be pointed out that "compromise," a very popular word in modern politics, is what kept slavery on the books when our nation was founded. We effetely shrugged and said it'd die out eventually which was proven wrong by its popularity in the South and an additional century plus of bigoted bullshit even after Americans killed each other to the tune of 600k+.

Compromise: sometimes you just need to grow a pair.

Speaking of growing a pair and compromise, are you aware that Saddam Husein was an on going problem we had multiple opportunities to nip in the bud but wussed out of? Have you heard of the Kurds? We let Saddam gas about 300k of them to death in the late 80's. Then he attacked Kuwait which just happens to have a lot of oil in it. And as soon as we pushed him out of Kuwait the Arabs said "get lost, white devils!" and our President, Bush Sr, caved to political pressures which allowed to continue killing Iraq's population in ways that make the CIA's interrogation tactics look like friendly hugs. And for the record, I hate that we use torture - I don't care what fucking information you get, torture is wrong.

Executions for terrorism and sabotage, I can get behind that.

But back to being weenies, we finally get around to capturing Saddam and people whine that we're hurting the people or Iraq - trust me when I say the death toll is down and getting blown to bits is a lot nicer than being tortured to death. What happened to the American people believing in themselves? I'm not saying we should consider every action right but for Pete's sake don't hate yourself because mistakes have been made - there isn't a nation on earth that is free of blood on its hand/head.

Let me stop again to point out that "weenies," while an insult or a crudity, is also a word and shouldn't be marked by spell check.

Moving on, the West needs to grow a pair because it's not being sensitive or repentant by blaming itself for the world's evils or a history full of mistakes. Guess what - we're still making mistakes. So discounting the good hasn't produced anything but a Western world that's lost its strength and is quickly losing the ability to provide hope and safety to people around the world. We're still a better option than most places but we're in danger of becoming just as bad - we're moving backwards. Liberalism and the Enlightenment are being lost. Their purpose wasn't to leave us dejected over our past but hopeful for a better future. We were the most advanced and civil nations in the world even with our mistakes factored in.

Trust me when I say that although Colonialism and Imperialism were wrong, they also brought advancements in learning and technology to peoples that were far behind us and who were already suffering beneath retarded, exploitative rulers before any white guys showed up. We just happened to be advanced exploiters.

Have you ever experienced so much frustration and anger that you could literally pump iron until your body can barely lift a soda can only to find you're still so pissed that not moving makes you want to violently attack anything within reach? I'm experiencing that right now. My diploma for my masters degree has been withheld. The reason? I'm 7% of a passing grade from passing a theology course that the professor described as "requiring effort on your part to fail."

Let's recount the ways I could have possibly passed this class. 1, I could have been given credit for the reading I did - interestingly enough that would cover the 7% all by itself. 2, my solid papers could have been graded by someone capable of reading. I make this charge because the major complaint on two papers was "Did you even read the instructions?" Which makes me want to scream "I PRACTICALLY HELD THEM NEXT TO THE SCREEN WHILE I TYPED THE PAPER" and then point out in each paper where I met each criteria. Looking at the papers, I cannot comprehend how I could receive anything less than a C unless the professor was purposefully trying to fail me. Apparently she misspoke - it required "effort on her part" to fail.

And despite how insane this is, her department chair backed her - even on giving me ZERO credit on the reading (10% of the final grade being reading completion). It's been over an hour since I received the email summarized as "tough cookies" and despite my best efforts to at least exhaust myself I'm still only moments away from injecting "fuck" between every single angry word that spills from my mouth. I'm about ready to lift a car into the air and scream until my throat is hoarse but this post isn't the work of a mindless goon. I'd say it's quite clear despite my barely contained rage. And yet I'm somehow too stupid to follow the direction in a syllabus where you have to TRY to fail. I also knew the difference between my degree and this kind of crap was writing two solid papers - and my bad papers are usually B's.

So why do I feel like I'm taking crazy pills? How is a B or better student in a MASTERS program at a upper tier school so incompetent as to get "Did you even read the directions?" on TWO papers?! How on earth does it make any logical sense to NOT see a problem with that scenario? Instead they're telling me to take the whole damnable class over again to the tune of another $1000 worth of studying I already did and hated because it was the most boring and poorly taught class I had there. Insult, meet Injury - Injury, please join Insult in raping Logic and Justice.

This is a "Christian" institution, folks, and although I recognize they're dedicated to quality over mercy I also recognize the lack of quality lies in them and has only served to deny me what is rightfully mine. I'm sorely tempted to tell them I'd rather get hit by a train than take a degree from their institution - which would truly be flushing two years of schooling but to have to crawl back to them and pay them to make me do all my work over again...I'd pretty much have to tell my pride, principles, and sense of justice to look me up in five months.

Honestly, I have nothing positive to say about that institution and if I wasn't potentially facing being stuck there AGAIN I'd name them. The only thing that school taught me was how to put up with bureaucratic nonsense and how to restrain myself from flicking off the idiots in charge - which means I'm primed for the military or politics. I need my degree for licensing or I'd just take it on the nose - I'd rather not have a diploma from a school that's hurt me in many more ways that just the ones chronicled here. This is just the icing on the Abuse Cake.

Today is delightfully dark and rainy. And Ted Kennedy is dead. I have mixed feelings. I didn't consider him to be one of the "good guys" so I'm tempted to crack a smile and pump a fist. But at the same time he's got friends and family who'll miss him. And then there's the whole "love thy enemy" jazz - why couldn't You make it simple and let me indulge in a smug smile? You know, besides the obvious reasons...

I'm wondering how long it'll take the news to shut up about his passing. Probably less time than it took them to mostly shut up about Michael Jackson but this news this morning was TED KENNEDY WAS SO AWESOME OMGZ. Seeing as he was pushing to take replacing him out of the hands of the people...I'm thinking the news is glossing over some obvious flaws. But you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, right? Somehow I don't think that indicates we should glorify the flawed upon their demise.

But I'm obviously just saying that because I'm a rabid, heartless, Right-wing mouthpiece for the evil corporations of America - as opposed to our Left-Wing counterparts who are rabid proponents of foreign corporations. I'm having a hard time believing that there won't be at least one Left-winger who'll feel like throwing a parade when Cheney dies - shoot, I think the Right might do the same just because he won't be around to be used as a club anymore.

Let's honor Ted's memory by not passing an insanely stupid reform bill and instead move toward something that a) puts something in place that starts to address the real problems and b) isn't economic suicide. Once we've got a program that doesn't suck we'll slap his name on it and call it a day. Sure, it'll be nothing like the idiocy he was advocating but it wouldn't be the best send off for his memory if we passed a bill that started a civil war, right?

And if you think old people are scary behind the wheel just wait until you see some grammy aiming her walker-mounted .50 cal machine gun at you. She'll offer an adult diaper to your crap-pantsed corpse before saying a one-liner that totally would have worked half a century ago. She'll probably then pee on your corpse but that has more to do with incontinence than disdain for your youthful stupidity. And the caving in of a human skull is never pretty but it's also downright embarrassing when induced by a century-old arm wielding a walking stick. It'll be ugly folks - it'll be like a zombie apocalypse only with less teeth and more groaning.

Me, I'll survive without a scratch. With the exception of my grandmother, every grandmother on the face of the planet thinks I'm awesome - and my Nana thinks I'm awesome except for the whole child-molesting thing. And in her defense, she's probably is just worried I'll violate modern conventions - back when she was a child you acquired land through marrying barely pubescent girls just prior to running off and beating a fire-breathing lizard to death with a spiked club. But back to my point - old people love me. Kids love me too which means I'm practically invincible. When America becomes a combination of Lord of the Flies and Night of the Living Dead (aka Night of the Almost Dead Elderly) I'll be viewed as some kind of shaman.

Which means all the freaking drugs I can snort, swallow, or otherwise ingest. And trust me, in a country ruled by old people there are going to be tons of drugs by necessity, let alone recreation. And seeing as old people are fond of giving small, wrapper-covered things to their favorite people, I'm going to be tripping balls. I don't have to worry about wandering off into the woods because any bear biting into me will immediately begin tripping with me and anything biting me that's smaller than that will overdose and die.

In between drug-induced wanderings, I'll return to civilization to guide its course. Now you might worry that a drug-addled mind would lead us to destruction but Washington D.C. is proof enough that it's a slow death - kind of like drug addiction. But in my case drugs seem to have odd, non-deadly effects such as me wanting to hug people and not feeling like rampaging until I can acquire more coffee. Have I mentioned how insane my dreams tend to be? I don't even need drugs to have visions so just imagine what kind of fun I can have on psychotropics!

Absolutely no fun at all. My stupid instinctual need to act responsibly will make me the proud papa of the thousands upon thousands of orphaned American children. And while I've always wondered what running a zoo would be like I'm thinking that Me + Numberless Children = Romantic Comedy/Horror Film. Here's a typical date for future me.

Me: Hi! Sorry I'm late, I had to find a baby-sitter.
Date: It's alright. So how many kids do you have.
Me: Oh, several million - give or take a few million.
Date: Wow - look at the time.
Me: It's only ten after six - ten minutes after you agreed to meet me here.
Date: Yeah...I forgot I had an appointment to legally register my vagina as not a clown car. Bye!
Me: I'M NOT THEIR REAL DAD!!! Great, now I also sound like a douchebag. I hate dating in the post apocalyptic United States of Geriatrica!
Old Lady: Hello, young man. I think you'd be perfect for my granddaughter.
Me: How old?
Old Lady: Seven - but she's got a lot of spirit!
Me: I don't need anymore kids - I've got millions.
Old Lady: Well, she's a bit young for making more.
Me: Okaaaaaaay, I'm going to help you across the street and then I'm going to help myself to another drug-frenzied camping trip.
Old Lady: Oops - dropped my teeth on the ground. Would you kindly retrieve them? *watches me bend over*
Me: Awesome - I love the slimy texture on these dentures. The ooze feels great between my fingers. Crap, I fell for that trick again. You'd think after using the "penny trick" on so many blondes it wouldn't work on me!
Old Lady: I'd use it on men closer to my age but none of them can bend over...you know besides being permanently bent...we're old.
Me: Thanks...I thought maybe you were just a tall child.
Old Lady: Flattery will get you a butterscotch.
Me: Awesome!

That's your bleak future, America - pass health care REFORM or the March of the Elderly and the Child Rebellion will claims us all! Well, 'cept for me - I'm their goofy jester-shaman of Diaper Changing. Worst D&D class EVER.

Ug, symptoms of dehydration and heat stroke are no fun. Stupid body telling me I'm in trouble! At least this explains why I've been feeling so off today.

Kids, drink your water.

Speaking of kids, have you ever noticed how bitchy and mean people are when they refer to you as "child," "kid," or "boy/girl"? Do they really mock children for having ideas that aren't perfectly formed or simply in disagreement with their own? Picking on children - good job! Do you also have a gold medal in baby punting? I bet it feels great knowing you can kick a baby's butt so badly it's almost as if it's a defenseless...baby.

Hey, babies - stop being lazy and get a job! We've all seen the commercials with babies and kids in suits or trading stock so stop crapping your pants and start crapping out marketable skills. This isn't a socialist state yet, comrade, so you'd better put on your big-boy boots and get to work.

In regards to the label "shit for brains" I'd just like to point out that only 5% of the world's population falls into my IQ range and the rest fall into the "not nearly as awesome" category so I sincerely hope my brains aren't shit because that means a), over 95% of the heads in the world will explode into poop if shot just right (only in the movies, kids!) or b), having your head full of crap actually makes you smart.

Any reference to "fuck" I'm just going to assume are a mockery of my virginity. This ties in well with mocking children - where do babies get off not having sex? Don't they know that sex is awesome? And who shudders when children dress like they're preparing to walk the streets? I certainly don't die a little inside whenever one of those hell-spawned childrens' pageants make the news...dear heaven...the hosts are almost as terrifying as the behavior of the parents! MY EYES, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY EYES???

I'm also wondering what sort of "retards," "idiots," and "stupid" people they've met because if I truly represent any of those three the world is full of people for whom "derrrrrrrrrrrr" is 30% of their vocabulary. Please ignore my use of statistics that don't fit the facts - I'm a retard. DERRRRRRRRRR. Although, most of the actually "mentally handicapped" I've run into are nice so I'm thinking ("thinking" of course being a joke, DERRRRRRR), that maybe the world is mostly full of logically handicapped people who've been trained to label rather than, I don't know, open a dictionary.

Of course dictionaries are in many ways like babies - both should be thrown into a real fire that represents our hatred of all things stupid and babyish. Babies eventually begin using words so you know words can't be good - do monkeys use words? I rest my case. But just in case you were thinking about learning or using words (or, le gasp, making babies!), take this into consideration - everything that enters a baby turns into poo. Babies are creatures that do the exact opposite of the classical, alchemical goal - poop instead of gold! Who wants a poop-making machine? If you feed a baby a dictionary all you're going to get back is poop or a dead baby - which is worm poop so all you've got is poop and legal problems. And legal problems are BS. Case-CLOSED.

See, I'm never labeled with anything that'd stick like "insane" or "bat-tastically crazy with a side of 'belongs locked in a place humans will never go again'." No, I'm stuck with un-inventive throwbacks to my schoolyard days. And it's really not that hard to win a schoolyard argument - you just have to say something that makes the other person so angry or so hurt they're emotionally devastated. I used to be very good at it, actually - which reminds me that "jerk" might still be applicable at times.

But no, no fun labels for me. Just the terribly inaccurate ones. They might as well be calling me "Sally" and starting every argument with "Lady, I've got news for you" because their ability to verbally spar is akin to plagiarizing the subpar works of a high school bully. Sometimes I feel like one of those big, sad-looking dogs with a tiny, yapping one running through its legs, trying to pick a fight.

The only real effect it has on me is to generate sadness - this is what passes for greatness nowadays. If you can talk a good talk and slander your opponent until he/she looks pathetic to anyone who doesn't know them then you're the cat's meow. Honestly, I got flamed once for using an old-school phrase - apparently I "suck" because I'm educated in the lingo of more generations than my own.

*yawn* Did you know that dehydration makes you sleepy?

With the exception of acting conservative, I'm beginning to wonder if there's anything our government can do to truly lose favor with dyed in the wool liberals. Corruption is excused as a) not corruption or b) what Bush did. I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS. If it was BAD when Bush did it, isn't it TERRIBLE when our supposedly upright and true Obamnisavior does it? Shouldn't we be doubly pissed that he promised to clean up Washington only to be just as bad if not worse once in office? Is the fluoride in the water actually government mind-control juice?

Honestly, what the hell is going on? Are people really this blinded by bias? Please don't point out that I'm a psych student and I know for a fact people are really this blinded by bias. Freaking Father Christmas on a pogo stick...the truth is such a kick in the pants. People have been suckers for lies since the beginning of time so why should it be any different now? Who hasn't engaged in self-deception at least once?

The icing on the cake is that the very people who call me a (add insults here) are the very ones who are dooming our nation to be the next Nazi Germany. Is it possible that before I'm dead and buried the nations of the world will have to unite to save it from us? Sheesh - I figured we'd at least get to go down fighting against China. But I'm only seeing FAIL and Epic FAIL in the U.S.'s future. Call me unpatriotic, but I have no love for a nation that considers the worship of government tantamount to loyalty and virtue.

The entire point of the Ministry of Truth was to manufacture lies - and there are so many little Obama supporters doing their best to emulate what was meant as a warning. Lies, damn lies, and statistics.