Wading through the hyperbole being used by both sides of the health care debate is a messy business. I've noticed a disturbing trend in the discussion - those against the bill focus on their dislike on the bill while those for the bill focus their dislike on their "opponents." For example, the Chicago Tribune has had a pro-health care editorial almost every day this week and occasionally one against it. The pro-care pieces focus on how stupid and crazy the pro-reform crowd is. They spew forth Obama's talking points with a touch of venom and then smugly wait for anyone foolish enough to disagree with them to step out of cover. Meanwhile the pro-reform article focuses on refuting the President's claims using the health care bill's own language and then offer suggestions that'd keep government limited and make reforms to the health care system.

So who are the religious zealots in this picture? It seems there are some people so sold on Obama that he literally can do no wrong. He can be shown to be a fool and liar, his own words condemning him, and people just write it off as a) no worse than Bush or b) lies, damn lies, or statistics (Mark Twain quote, yo). It's getting crazy Orwellian in America. You can't speak against the State without experience the Hate - nothing like getting shouted down and labeled a "Nazi." Fairly certain the behavior of the Probamas is more indicative of Nazism than grandma wheeling herself in to say she's scared she'll be denied care or asked to die under the new plan.

The polls show that public opinion has turned against the President and remains piss-poor for Congress but I've definitely received the "stink-eye" for spreading such "lies" about Obama's performance. I'm not a birther, I'm well-educated, I've never fired a gun, and I don't run around pulling the condoms off of teens before telling them that dancing causes God to kill puppies. I was raised in Europe and in within an hour of Chicago so I'm not a hick and my parents civicly minded, middle class folk from lower class backgrounds that they overcame through hard work and a natural giftedness in regards to intelligence.

They're robots sent back from the future to raise Jon Somebody to defeat the Something Bad. Which is funny because I'm a cybernetic ninja from the past who was sent to the future to raise chinchillas because their name is fun to say and spell. Chinchilla! They're like roaming beards!

All of that to say the usual stereotypes applied to Nobamas don't apply to me in any shape or form. But somehow questioning Obama causes me to devolve into a shit-throwing ape who parades around in sharp but very racist brown uniforms with red armbands. Although, for the record, the S.S. death's head uniform and pin was super cool - those jerks knew how to dress! Too bad they were sharply dressed monsters...Course American G.I.'s looked pretty cool in their uniforms too. Nothing fancy, but rugged in the "going to kick ass and chew bubble gum" way. Audie Murphy - Audie freaking Murphy.

It's all madness. The government balloons and with it corruption and as the fire rages in the background Obama calmly says "it's snowing - who's crazy enough to think those are ashes?" He is not for the little guy - he is the mouthpiece of self-interest. He is not for the common man - he is an elitist. He is not our savior - he is the warden who tightens our chains of servitude. There will be a backlash - and obviously "backlash" is fighting words so I've just made a threat on the President's life rather than a reference to him and Congress losing their jobs by alienating the American people by calling them tiny-mustache wearing racists with IQ's approaching those of vegetation - fake vegetation. Can't forget we're not real people. Apparently cloning is further along than we thought.

Put your faith in Obama - he'll save you from the evils of plenty and freedom.

No, I didn't get busted. But here are five reasons I'd make a terrible police officer!

1. I'm small. In weight and stature I am not a big guy - which means I'm throw-able. Through glass panes, over cars, into cars, into people, and over ledges - my body just says "grab me and go for the gusto!...in throwing people". I'm the kid all the other karate kids using for throwing practice - because they look awesome when they chuck me a dozens yards like I weigh nothing...never mind that I do in fact weigh nothing and seem to be very aerodynamic.

2. I hate being a rules-Nazi. I'm a people person - I like to treat people like people rather than as problems needing to meet my beating stick. I'm cool with rules when they're being used to protect people, not treat them as suspects until they're out of site or actually do something I can bust them for. In my experience, the rules-Nazi is only popular with other anal douchebags.

3. I like justice. You'd think that being a cop would be just the thing but criminals get off on technicalities and/or receive reduced sentences from "compassionate" judges with the help of scumbag lawyers. We claim to have impartial justice but it's not blind status, money, color, and clout. I'd be one over-turned conviction from a shooting and cops don't do well in prison.

4. I don't like taking orders. This might sound obstinate but I'm anything but - you can get me to do just about anything by simply asking. But when I'm ordered to do something, especially by someone who's being a jerk when simply saying "this needs to be done" would have been sufficient irks me. And at first it'd just irk me. Then it'd make me wish my boss had an ounce of people skills. Then I'd hand him my badge and my gun and say "here are two suppositories for your hemorrhoids."

5. I'm way too trusting. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt which is potentially a career ending trait when it comes to police work. "Hey, how's it going? Okay - you just shot me. You shot me again - this conversation is going poorly." Either last night or the night before a cop killed a guy because he wouldn't put his hands up. Now that might sound somewhat understandable but here's what caught the officer's interest in the first place - the guy was sitting in his car with two other people. I'd put money down that they were black and that he assumed black people + car = cocaine fiends on a killing spree. So his first reaction was to pull his gun and shoot the driver in the chest for being incredulous and slow to realize that when a guy points a gun at you you put your hands up.

Arg! The sun is up! *hiss* I no sparkles like that Twilight crap! IMMOLATION - IMMOLATED EVEN!!!

The summer months are rough on my room because it faces East and the A/C avoids it like Michael Jackson avoids NOT being creepy (too soon?). Which is all to say that my room is an inferno of sunshine, blue birds, and fauns with insanely feminine names. It also makes my monitor go all a-glare which makes using my computer as anything but a paperweight difficult until after noon.

Did I mention how stinking hot it is? Because it's really, really hot!

Have you noticed the trend within academic and media circles of excusing bad behavior because somebody else was bad? Modern Islam gets a pass because Christians happened to have had jerks within their ranks - we condemn the dead but give the living monsters A FREE TRIP HOME TO A HEROES WELCOME ARGIDYBLARGJARGB! We also excuse our current elected officials for crapping on us and wiping with the Constitution because our previous, Right-wing officials crapped on us and wiped with the Constitution. We can all agree that jerks have inhabited our world since the first caveman noticed a dying dino and peed on him to spite his size. Can't we also agree that if that dino ate said jerk we'd all celebrate the chlorination of our gene pool and society? So why do I so often hear attrocities and injustices being excused in the name of past injustices?

Logic called, she's feeling like you don't care anymore. She seemed really broken up and worried that you might be seeing other patterns of thought behind her back. She knows Crazy is a party girl that seems really exciting but she also doesn't understand the appeal of waking up in your own vomit and hitting your right hand with a hammer because it hit the left moments before.

I think all American politics boil down to this clip http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/154582/?searchterm=Douche%20and%20turd

It's pretty sad that most of our politics boil down to who sucks less rather than who can best serve our country. It's all about spin rather than substance. We're going to get stuck deciding between a douche or a turd until both sides of the aisle agree that they're sick of getting yanked around by their government.

Which will probably never happen because the leftists are the government's favorite whores - here's a little money, get to servicing.

Blogs about how much Christians suck seem popular so I figure I'll try my hand at it. Christians suck for not being flawless avatars of a perfect deity. Christians suck for valuing the lives of the unborn and orphans. They also suck for holding the Western world together when Rome collapsed - fuck them for that. They especially suck for converting the barbarians from the raping, pillaging, and human sacrifice. They suck for ruining so many geniuses with "religion" when they might have just avoided studying "the glorious creation of their God." Screw their contributions to science - Newton and Kepler were losers.

I could go on but listing all of the reasons Christians suck is tiring. Well, maybe one more for the road - they suck for believing there's a right and wrong. Superstitious assholes.

On that note, fuck Scotland. I hope that doesn't strike you as terribly random. I hope that strikes you as a very accurate assessment of how much Scotland deserves to be fucked - or at very least their "justice" system. Over two hundred people blown to tiny bits and Jerkland lets the bomber off the hook after only 8 years in prison because he's got cancer. Waaaaaah, the mass murderer has cancer - he deserves to go home to a hero's welcome so he can be with his family when he dies. To celebrate his release, let's go piss on a couple hundred graves and then defecate on the gravestones before looking up their relatives so we can spit in their face.

Speaking of the relatives, my dad had to call the wife of one of the victims to explain why her husband wouldn't be joining their family for Christmas. Did I forget to mention the plane was bombed only four days prior to Christmas? That's right - Jerkland freed a guy who'd blow Santa into chunks for being a "Christian infidel."

Fuck you, Scotland.

This is probably Christianty's doing. Their "evil" God probably gave that guy cancer so he'd be freed - He conspires with terrorists! That explains why all those terrorist monsters are harassing our savior-king Obamawesomecool the 1st. Unfortunately we'll only be able to give his title to the next king because his Ubersexy-McCoolness has no sons and his daughters aren't allowed to reproduce for fear that they'd conceive anything - especially not more of Obama pure and superior race. Good thing for us - that much manly perfection would turn the whole United States gay...well, 'cept for the women.

The United Haram of Obama King the II!

But doesn't Obama claim to be Christian? Doesn't that automatically mean he is evil incarnate? Of course not! He's is perfection incarnate - look at his big smile! His not-white skin repels critique and his way with words makes English and your brain his plaything!

Bones build the ladder of success.

Myth: the world is overpopulated.
Fact: the world could support a much larger population if there weren't governments actively controlling crop outputs. Not to mention how much arable land still exists. But facts are like babies - hated and disposable to Leftists.

Now if you happen to consider yourself a leftist and you don't hate babies, I've got news for you - you're not a leftist. Or maybe you haven't realized yet that the Left isn't the party of Freedom and Equality but rather the party of Repression and the Equality of Everyone Being Treated Like Shit (aka, communism). Fascism at least has a favored group, somebody escapes the fire, but Communism eliminates the "enemy" and then eliminates anyone who might become an enemy - which pretty much means there isn't a head facing the chopping block.

You become a cog, a cell, within the body of the State. Your life only matters so far as it supports the life of the State. Children, the elderly, the sick, and those damned "free thinkers" are all things that don't support the health of the state and like a cancer must be cut off. Millions have died for the Utopian ideals of the Left. But the Conservative West, so caught up in hating itself and fearing a return to past abuses, has move toward the Left with a blindness to where it leads.

The ideologies of the Left have failed us but they're clung to because we've made the assumption that the Right is evil and uncaring so its opposite must be good. What many are failing to see is that when we pool power in the hands of a few, Right or Left, the people of a nation suffer. When we let our "betters" gather power and sequester themselves in posh settings where they can rule from comfort and safety they forget us. They pander to fools who clamor with open hands and begging mouths for help when they're fed off of bread that's already theirs. The State takes its wealth from the people so anything it hands out is stolen from someone - maybe even the grateful person praising the State for saving them.

We're all slaves to our hunger when you boil it down. We must eat. But will our bread be bought with our own industry or will we be shackled to a government that taxes us when we say "no more!" and they promise "no more!" but do the opposite? They will take the lion's share, like the kings of old, and their children and friends will grow fat from YOUR labor and YOUR sweat and YOUR struggles. They will live in ease while you and yours scrape by and have to beg for handouts to make ends meet. The government engineers the chains of your slavery and you thank them for the weight because after they've dragged you this way and that you get your bread and the knowledge that as long as you obey there will be bread again tomorrow.

The Left is about the State and the State is about itself - any claim otherwise is simply a ploy that leads to YOUR subjugation at the hands of your "saviors." You are fed by YOUR labor and you are saved by grace.

If you give a red mouse a cookie...

Ever wonder what the West descended from? Did you guess it was little more than monkeys running around in bearskins? Here's a look at your ancestors, Western civilization!

1. There were no knights in shining armor.
Chainmail was about as advanced as it got for the first crusade. Plate mail was created to stop...everything possible but especially bullets. Concepts of chivalry were also in their infancy and had less to do with knights being good and more to do with my ancient, story-writing ancestors trying to impress noble women. Which is to say that Medieval indy-guys were trying to steal the trophy wives of the barbarian jocks. That boils down to risking getting maced to death back when "mace" was a steel club which was possibly spiked and definitely wielded by a big guy trained not to control his temper and to hit things whenever possible.

2. They were pretty much barbarians.
So the Romans were doing a good job pulling the West out of the bear-wearing mud we were so fond of when they got fat and lazy - fat and lazy, America, FAT AND LAZY. They started paying barbarian tribes to fight for them and quit doing the hard things themselves. This worked fine for a while until the barbarians realized "Hey, we've got the weapons and we're the ones who do all the butt-kicking for those lazy guys who make fun of us for sounding like sheep" (Baaaaa-barian - I kid you not).
Those barbarians punched Western civilization so hard in the face it didn't wake up for almost a thousand years. Those barbarians noticed indoor plumbing and decided to settle in Roman territories. Those barbarians didn't know what all that funny scribbling on paper was so they used it to wipe their butts. Those barbarians managed to improve their weapons a little in the half-millennium or so between Rome's collapse and the Crusades.

And they still smelled of swamp ass.

3. They were hardcore.
Not counting Japan, how many major Asian nations have run around naked and screaming in the past thousand years? As far as I know, none - Europe cornered the market on naked madness. In fact, a lot of tribes were very fond of running around with nothing but crazed look and battle-paint on - their descendants would call the American version "godless savages."
And I blame the weirdness spawned in Japan on us nuking them.
Christians tried to teach the barbarians that wearing pants is awesome but sometimes that message was lost behind getting eaten for superpowers. Important note to all you wannabe missionaries - make sure you fully explain the whole "my body and blood" thing before telling the cannibals that God is in you and you've eaten His body as well. They will eat you. And then your missions director will have to send another two guys to explain the finer points of Christian doctrine - and possibly then get eaten.
During the Crusades not only did nobody take a bath, they also stopped to sack and eat a town or two. American troops may not be perfect but they certainly haven't killed and eaten every soul in a city...yet. Don't push us! We're descended from crazy people!

4. Europeans take things.
For centuries we were the playground bullies stealing the lunch money and homework of everyone else. And then we'd turn on each other because we somehow got an advanced copy of "Highlander" and thought it was a documentary. There can be only one!
At one time or another, every nation in Europe was little more than Tusken Raiders - which is an insult to Tusken Raiders because barbarians thought nakedness and tree and rock worship was the height of class.
After beating up the Romans we went back to beating up each other. Eventually Charlemagne showed up and united large portions of Europe by killing anyone who wouldn't join up. Despite having a great deal of trouble learning to read, he was excited by and interested in funding education and culture. He noticed the Muslims he was fighting in Spain weren't a bunch of mud-covered hut-dwellers (oh irony) and sent scholars out to get educated and bring that education back. Prior to that, almost all the tech and learning was stuff hand-copied from Roman times by Christian nerds.

5. We've never known a weapon we didn't want to use and make better for clubbing people to death with.
Gunpowder - the only fireworks we wanted to see was another European nation exploding (ironically, we nuked Japan). When we ran into the Romans they kicked our butts. So then we worked for them, trained with them, and got their neat weapons - which we then used to kill them. We "borrowed" some principles of engineering from the Arabs and applied them to killing ourselves and keeping the Arabs out so we could keep killing ourselves...

You're not invited to our brawl, heathens!

Divine Right, btw, was wielded similarly to a club and it was used to keep peasants in their place. And if that failed literal clubs with nice spikeys were employed! Psychological training was provided by burly men of an unwashed nature - pretty much truckers who wore rather than drove their armor.

So there you have a slice of European history! Centuries of whacking each other with steel so we could "evolve" to a more cultured blowing each other apart with cannons. In a lot of ways you've got the same monkeys - we've just learned to comb our hair, bathe, and fling rocks instead of feces.

Spent most of the weekend passed out. Probably because I spent most of the week not sleeping and feeling my fingers burn with a desire to strangle fools and punch hard, skull-containing surfaces until they ached with vindication.

That's right, vindication.

Here's a delightful irony for sheltered Americans - in Muslim countries, being Christian or gay are both reasons to cross your fingers that your neighbors aren't planning on killing you. Conservative estimates place the death toll for being "Satan" in the dozens while less conservative estimates figure in the hundreds - and that's for each group, not combined. Heaven forbid you turn out to be a gay, Jewish, black guy in Iraq. Oh, you didn't know that they're racist too? It shouldn't surprise anyone - everyone country houses at least a handful of assholes and for some reason "black" is at the top of their "Belongs at the Bottom" list.

That tidbit of joy brought to you (mostly) by the Chicago Tribune - although I can guarantee they'd never come out and directly say "Islam...has a lot of jerks in it." We're so enlightened we have to spend all our time in the dark! The next time anyone complains about Israel being pissy about its borders and the safety of its citizens please point out that many Middle Eastern countries used to have large Christian and Jewish communities. For example, the largest Jewish community in Iraq used to have several hundred members and it'd existed for centuries - there's one guy left now. The Turks conquered Christian and Jewish lands so when it comes to "which religion belongs where" the answer is YES. The idea that Christians are invading Muslim lands is ignorant

Crap - I wanted to write a funny post! Maybe later...

An excellent article on soldiers who seem to have a troop of angels assigned to them.

http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy.html
btw, the last man mentioned is the guy GI Joe was based off of. The toy, not the cartoon.

Don't bother teaching people to read if you aren't going to teach them to think too.

Your upper class, city-based lifestyle is only possible because of people who enjoy flannel shirts and riding on tractors and in trucks. Stop being an arrogant prick.

There are still people trumpeting the value of eugenic measures and the bankruptcy of religion. Apparently Hitler and Stalin didn't kill enough people to flush those foolish premises from academic circles.

There's a reason grandma stuffed her money in the mattress instead of a bank account...

Bumper sticker bonanza!
Your (insert pet here) isn't smarter than anyone's honor student unless you've got a strange roster of names for your children.

Nobody cares that you have a baby on board and if you need a sticker to remind yourself your kid is in the car you probably shouldn't be driving or having sex.

Is that "Obama 08" sticker a reminder that you voted or a reminder to everyone else that you're a retard?

"Kerry 04"? Dude, get over it.

"Bush 04" - um, is the sticker stuck or are you still seriously excited that he beat as horrible a choice as Kerry?

I'm close enough to read your sticker because you're sitting through the turn signal, not because I'm interested in reading it or honking in response to your wasted money.

Oh look, you've put feet on a fish-symbol to insult the religion that nurtured your fucking culture through the Dark Ages and the "let's be naked and covered in bear grease" fad. How very progressive and tolerant of you.

Is the image of a child urinating an indication that you pee on your truck or that you're a pervert who watches little boys pee?

Did you just cut me off to show your fishy-symbol or is that there to excuse your inability to drive? I guess the bright side is that you might at least go to heaven after you cause a pile up...

"Coexist"? Wow - I totally never thought of that! I was just about to go out and kill every other religion because I'm an intolerant zealot! Thanks for setting me straight, myopic hybrid driver!

And I'm out of crap I typically see on the back of people's cars - maybe I'll see something new soon.

The sun is shining and my vampiric nature is taking effect - hiss and such.

My dad is still laid up because of the surgery so I was out watering the plants at the crack of dawn and our local fauna, a chipmunk we lovingly call "the chipmunk," was not happy to see me out and about. Something about my undead nature disturbed him - that or my following him around with a hose because every time he retreated from my approach he retreated exactly where I was going next. He was making some very angry noises. I'd translate them for you but I'm sure none of you want to hear a bunch of curses and racist insults.

Something about me being "big" that translated poorly into something nearing a compliment. Of course for them a sock is a sleeping bag waiting to be occupied so I guess I can put it into context...that little bastard! I'd so kick his ass if he wasn't so painfully cute.

The squirrel wasn't happy to see me this morning either. And I do me "THE" squirrel because our neighborhood is seriously lacking in mature trees. He's a bit spoiled because he has no competition and no predators other than age and his own stupidity. He's mostly cranky because my dad feeds him religiously and now there's someone who a) smells different and b) doesn't feed him. Those rodents are probably plotting against me at this very moment...

The birds, being morning creatures, were all like "HI!!!! HOW ARE YOU DOING??? DO YOU HAVE CRAZY AMOUNTS OF HAPPINESS AND ENERGY LIKE WE DO? WHO WANTS TO HEAR ME CHIRP LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES? THIS COCAINE IS SOME HIGH QUALITY STUFF!"

Freaking birds. Is it so much to ask that you not sit at my window, staring in, and incessantly chirp "How's your morning? Are you awake? How about now? Wake up so you can hear me. Answer my need for attention." And then there's the sun.

I hate you, glowing fireball in the sky. You make things all bright and way too hot. I could put up with your shininess, cuz shiny things are made for staring... ... ... ..., but your blazingly hot nature isn't like women's blazingly hot nature so you're just making me uncomfortable and...wait, you are somewhat like women's blazingly hot nature. You make me uncomfortable and sweaty - and you're sparkly and girls love sparkly, shiny things! Sweet giant, flaming space chicks, Batman - the sun is a giant flaming space chick and I'm a boy in tights being raised by an unrelated adult male also in tights!

So is the winter the "let's just be friends" time of the year or the "I just met the most awesome guy so nobody else exists" time of the year?