What is the appeal of hot but stupid women? Now some might be thinking "um, duh" because I mentioned "hot" but the physical parameters of a woman are simply her surface. I'm not saying that isn't a factor in mate selection but there are many, many attractive women on this planet - why is that one of particular interest? Now for a guy who just feels like fucking around, play on words intended, hot is fine. He's not looking for someone to relate to, he's looking for assisted masturbation. He's not looking for anything permanent, just something that's exciting enough to get him off.

But if the guy is looking for more than sex he needs to find a girl with a brain that has more settings that "dress cutely," "tee-hee," "bounce around," and "take home a drunk guy." I've met plenty of attractive girls and women since I discovered that females were more than just guys who couldn't win a pissing contest without a serious handicap. The difference between the ones who I thought "wow, she's pretty" and "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit - how do I look? Am I acting like a dufus - you know, more than usual? SAY SOMETHING FUNNY. SHE'S LAUGHING AT YOU AND YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING UNUSUAL - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WRONG?" ...the difference is that the scary women/girls were special people.

Smarts - sweet heaven are intelligent women hot! I think I'm spoiled though - both of my parents, but especially my mother, were very sharp. So my standards are high - and I want to keep them that way. Not only do brains separate an attractive woman from the rest of the pack but they'll also last much longer than her beauty will. As my father has told me "Beauty lasts only a moment - dumb is forever." Not to mention she won't bore you to tears...seriously, why the hell does any man subject himself to a stupid partner? IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!

Personality - often tied to having a functioning brain. "Tee-hee" might be cute initially but it'll get old faster than she will. And what's the appeal of a doormat? A sparring partner is much more fun! She'll keep my wit sharp and I'll have to strive to make my point rather than just have her accept what I've said because I'm "Hubby Dearest." There's nothing attractive about a lack of spine. There's something to be said about not being difficult just to be difficult but an unwillingness to voice and stand for an opinion isn't an attractive quality in anyone.

But you'll definately find guys who want a girl who makes them a sandwhich and waits on them like their mother did when they were "wittle boyz."

Shifting gears - does anyone else feel like society sets males and females against each other? There's hostility between the sexes that seems to be based on sex rather than on individual behavior. There's also the ugly treatment of both sexes in TV and film. Both tend to portray women as a) sex objects or b) sexy bitches. The "sexy bitches" are women who can take care of themselves and yet always seem obsessed with finding a man or are ice cold until the right guy comes along and then they devolve into stereotype a). Mothers also tend to get portrayed as uneducated and unfulfilled.

Can't a woman be educated and independent without being hostile towards men and while remaining interested in motherhood? What's wrong with wanting to be a mother? My mother sacrificed a lot to raise my sister and I and anyone that'd claim she wasted her intelligence and educationg being a mother would soon find me grinding my teeth and flashing my "going to educate a fool" look in their direction. My mother did something extraordinary in raising us AND she continued to educate herself. She didn't have a career but the impact she made on our lives will ripple out through us - both my sister and I are future psychologists. I prefer to work with teens and young adults while my sister has shown a great deal of talent working with the elderly and dementia patients.

The love, education, and attention my mother gave us made us into the loving and intelligent people we are. MOTHERS ARE AWESOME!!! But back to "women" (tee-hee - I make funny distinction). Why aren't more people insanely pissed off at how women are treated in the media? Transformers I and II and Megan Fox's role in each is VERY sexist - she's there to look hot. And that's just an easy example. Everybody Loves Raymond - his wife is an intelligent bitch. She's always nagging him and putting him down. A lot of sitcoms have dufus husbands and nagging wives that pretty much run the household.

What the hell? Let's have a story time for the little ones.

Hi kids! Welcome to JJ's storytime goodness fun and joy and joyness! Timmy, please join me up front.
*Timmy comes forward*
"What's up, Dr. JJ?"
"Not much, Timmy - I just wanted you to know that you're about to experience the magic of puberty!"
"What's that?"
"It's the time in life when boys and girls change from catapillars to butterflies."
"Awwww - I wanted to turn into something cool! Can't I be like those robots in the film with all the explosions?"
"Sorry, Timmy, that's just not how it works. You see, girls turn into sexy butterflies that get some men sent to prison for being dirty old perverts, some they lure into a trap called matrimony, and others they trick into a situation that leads to court-ordered community service..."
"Girls are stinky! Tell me what I'm going to turn into!"
"Well, boys enter the crysallis stage and then the Testosterone Fairy comes along and hits them in the head with a stick until only a small portin of their brains still works. That's why you'll be prone to thinking "boobies, boobies, boobies" for the rest of your life and will end up married to a Queen Ant who'll remind you of that mean Aunt who drank too much and spent her time nagging your uncle until he used that 'teleportation gun' on himself."
*all the children begin crying*

That ends story time. What's sad is I'm just mocking what we're shoving into people's brains. We tend to demonize/dismiss men and glorify the feminine while all the time demeaning them through hyper-emphasizing their sexuality. Whosajiggawha? How does that make ANY sense? We're still in favor of a man-dominated society but we consider them purposeless morons while we think women should be running the show but they're little more than the next best things to sex robots (until we can get them running!). Doublethink, anyone?

Bit of food for thought in closing. By the age of five, boys are trained to think in terms of function and competition while girls are taught to think in terms of relationship and cooperation. By the age of five we've got men at odds with others and treating them as objects and girls emeshed in the politics of relationships and considering compliance preferable.

And then we tell them to do the opposite when they reach their preteen years.

I'm awake and things are eating at my brain so here's another post - hopefully many of you are bored and stuck at work so this'll be a win-win.

Feminazis suck. My first English professor was a hardcore Feminazis. It was common knowledge that she favored female or male students - the guys joked that she took a letter grade off for each testicle. I was still deciding on a major at the time so she was a major influence in my choice to avoid English like the plague. She didn't like what I wrote, partly because my grasp of certain minor rules was terrible, and when I wrote something that'd gag the most stereotypical of flowery homosexuals she ate it up - I seriously just threw flowers, sunny meadows, and bunnies at her for grades. Richard Simmons is a pretty upbeat guy but what I wrote to please her would gag him just prior to sending him into diabetic shock. Picture the most bubbly, optomistic person you know. Now picture them reading my "poetry" for that class and suddenly going into a berserk fury that ended in blackest suicide.

Yeah, I sold my soul for grades.

And almost as bad, I sold it to someone who deserved a kick to the overies for being a stereotypical and venomous sexist. She couldn't have better represented the ills of 3rd generation Feminism. Did you know there were three movements in the feminist crusades? Let me boil them down - let us vote, let's be equal, and let's erase all differences between males and females because they're exactly the same (except men are asshole oppressors). Can you guess which form of feminism makes me cringe and sets my hair on end? *hiss and swat*

So we went from treating women like ignorant lessers who were good for nothing but sex to viewing men in the same way. Television and the movies portray men as a) sex directed, b) stupid, c) incompetent, and/or d) violent. We're portrayed as little more than trainable monkeys women can sick on spiders and ask to open jars. And seeing as I know plenty of women who can do both of those that wittles down the uses for men to sex and carrying heavy objects.

I've never understood the stereotype of men being sex-directed and emotionless. Gay men aren't the only men interested in cuddling with their SO. Gay men aren't the only ones capable of bathing, putting the toilet seat down, and cooking. But our media only allows men outside of their "monkey cage" when a) they're gay or b) they're the love interest of the story. And heaven forbid they get married - apparently marriage breaks out minds.

When I see men portrayed as animals I get very pissed and confused. I'm pissed because it's a lie that hurts both sexes. Men get the wrong message about what they're expected to be and women get the wrong message about what they should expect from me - ladies, don't settle for a loser! My confusion lies in why any woman would want some muscle-headed sex toy. The stereotypically, women want a relationship and it's kind of hard to relate to a mindless stooge.

Which is also why I'm confused by men who don't care how stupid their GF is as long as she's hot.

I'm angry because our society sets men and women up for failure by spreading lies about what each is like. Both sexes have a ton to offer their own sex and the opposite. While certain traits are common there's always someone who bucks the trend so stereotyping will always ultimately fail. Men can be emotional (outside of anger), men can be nurturing, men can be interested in women for reasons outside of entering their pants (besides, your pants don't look as good on us), and men contributed to society if only because their brains are wired somewhat differently than womens.

On the subject of sex and gender I could rant forever - there's so much wrong.

I can't remember where I read it, which bothers me, but some jackass had the nerve to claim the United States hadn't been in an actual war since WWII. I wanted to yell "tell that to the thousands of American families who had loved ones die in Korea and Vietnam, jerk!" Maybe they were trying to say that they didn't consider any war past WWII as being legitimate but regardless of your political standpoint those were wars. They certainly cost us far more troops than our current war has and if you called it a "conflict" or "security detail" to a soldier's face he'd probably punch you in the balls.

To all you would-be dictators: kill people in a trickle and start with a group nobody likes. At first Hitler was on track but then he ramped things up and got rabid. Stalin, on the other hand, killed millions more but Hitler is still the #1 douchebag in most people's minds. The Communist death-tally puts the Nazis to shame because practically everyone could qualify as enemies - they were equal opportunity killers. The Nazis prove that racists suck at killing people - it's the dreamers of Utopian dreams that get the job done. They break a few eggs and nobody cries because it's just a bit of spilled milk. But if you tip over enough pitchers eventually you'll have a river.

Hundreds of thousands of Christians martyred for their faith in the 20th - you won't hear or read much on that unless you go looking (and know where to look). They died in a trickle, a thousand here or a hundred there, so it's not recoiled from in the same manner the Nazi extermination of the Jews is. Christians are still being killed by the dozens and hundreds but it doesn't make the mainstream media - how often do you hear about hundreds of Jews getting killed? Don't you think that'd make headline news?

Our "enlightened" and "modern" world turns a blind eye to the extermination of a group because it considers them lessors and/or fools. Antisemitism is a major no-no but anti-Christianity is a disgusting staple on college and university campuses around the country. I've seen fanatical defenses of Islam by non-Muslims in the name of "tolerance" but, as is all too common, Christianity isn't tolerated.

Somewhat silly example but an important one: Family Guy. Not sure how many of you are familiar with that cartoon but I've watched most of the episodes. In quite a few episodes Christianity and Jesus are made fun of. Most of the time I just laugh because I know they poke fun at a lot of things and I don't see the point of getting offended over risky jokes. But if the same thing was done to Islam and its Prophet there'd be hell to pay - and yet it's Christians who are dangerous and intolerant. With a few exceptions, an angry Christian will do little more than write a rant and mail it to the media outlet in question. When that one (Danish?) paper published those charicatures of the Prophet there were death threats received.

Now before anyone gets their panties in a knot, I'm not mentioning all of this to drum up anti-Muslim sentiment. If you can remain civil and/or sane it doesn't matter what religion you are - this is America! But what I am trying to do is illustrate one of the many double standards that are throwbacks to rock-banging and tree worship. It's illogical to demonize Christians and to turn a blind eye to their murder and persecution because SOME of the ones in America and Europe are assholes is disgusting.

Some of us just want your hugs, dammit.

Last post died of neglect. How is it that people have lives outside the internet? Don't they know that the internet prevents 100% of male pregnancies?

I read an article in the Chicago Tribune that claimed to refute many of the complaints aimed at Obama's healthcare plan. Maybe they've made some changes since I last saw the document but unless that's happened the Tribune is a) full of shit or b) needs to fire their fact checker for not checking the facts BEFORE writing an article entitled "Fact Check". If the language of the document says "X" and the Tribune claims it says "Y" should I believe the wording of the document or trust the Tribune? If "legalese" has gotten to the point where "yes" means "no" I think it's time to begin burning down law schools.

Example: Tribune says "abortion not being funded" EVERYTHING ELSE I've read says "abortion being funded."

I've been hearing murmurings of compromise having been reached amongst Democrats on healthcare but it still sounds like a largely partisan bill. I also haven't heard any of the details of what convinced the Blue Dogs to roll over and present their bellies - who is scratching and in what way? 

Where is the transparent government we were promised? Wheeling and dealing, smoke and mirrors - the only honesty I'm seeing is Congress and the President acting as incompetent as they really are. But I'm thinking that's not intentional honesty but rather a loosening of the masks. "Son of a bitch - my smiley mask fell off."

It also seems like a lot of politicians are clamoring for a reform bill they haven't bothered reading.
Senator 1: "Let's sign this mystery document into law - I love surprises!"
Senator 2: "Me too! I couldn't care less what's inside - plus I can't read!"
Senator 3: "Did someone mention reading? I hate reading."
Senator 1 & 2 "Me too!"
Senator 1 "Jinx!"
Senator 2 "FUCK!"
Senator 3 "Hey, Pelosi - he can't say anything! Say something if you don't want to buy us all lunch. Ha - loser."
Pelosi "I love free lunches - it's why I got into this business."
Senator 7 "Anybody know how to get hooker blood out of a trunk?"
*everyone laughs like they're insane - much like the end of every Speed Racer episode*

We're fortunate that we have so many public servant dedicated to killing babies and taxing the fat off of us - otherwise we'd be fat people with kids. There's nothing more sad or evil than fat people with kids. That's why King Obama the 1st is taxing our sodas and candies and fat asses. If you happen not to have a fat ass don't worry about unfair tax policies - you'll be taxed just the same as the next 400lbs guy/gal. Some would say we're not being properly represented by our elected officials, I've certainly never thought "I wish my taxes were higher. Golly, how can I tax myself AND lose weight? OMG - fat tax! I'm going to make myself skinny by having to pay oodles of cash for everything I consume!"

Taxes on alcohol, cigarettes, and luxury foods - but no talk of rebellion this time. Why? Some might say we're "weak sauce" in comparison to our Founding Fathers but I think it's because an Internet Tax hasn't been passed yet. An Internet Tax would cause riots. "I just want to download porn for free - it's my right as an American! I'M SO HORNY! REVOLUTION!" *throws Molotov cocktail*

I'm very annoyed that candy, alcohol, cigarettes, gasoline, food, and just about everything else is taxed and probably taxed again. I'm pissed that more and more laws are being passed to regulate how people live and speak in a "free" country. I'm baffled how we've got elected officials who seem intent on ignoring the Constitution and the People of the United States. "No taxes for the middle class" apparently translates as "no taxes that don't screw EVERYONE - politicians not included".

We don't have foxes running the chicken coop - foxes are smart. We've got bird-brained chickens in charge - and to save us from the falling sky they're going to kill us before it can.

I spent some time with my dad today. He said he'll be back at work on Monday - less that two weeks after his surgery. I've mentioned that he dodged a bullet but it's looking more and more like he dodged a tank shell - the lab that found his cancer screwed up and didn't report how aggressive and advanced it was to his surgeon. Which is to say the surgeon would have cut more out so there's a higher chance that the cancer might still be there - more tests are being done but we're hopeful his medical woes are done for now. The worst case scenario is chemo and him having to slow his pace of life a bit - which would annoy him AND my mother.

I'm fairly certain I'm adopted - both of my parents LOVE work. If they enjoyed their work any more they'd spend their days moaning and groaning in ways that'd give me nightmares and years of therapy bills. I, on the other hand, only enjoy work to a certain extent. Like them, I MUST work or I start to freak out. Unlike them, I also need leisure time. My dad only requires a little leisure time to function - maybe two hours a day. My mother's leisure time consists of working on something she doesn't HAVE to do.

For me, leisure time consists of smacking a goblin in the face with some form of Medieval weaponry. Now whether that's only slightly nerdy (involving a computer) or extremely nerdy (involving dice, rule books, and a bunch of stinky, unloved men pretending to be adventurers, demigods, and...gasp...women) depends on how much free time I can spare. Well, it also depends on my mood. I'm not always able to summon the energy to see people on any given day. Regardless of whatever persona you might guess at, I am not driven to be social.

Stay away from me, you, you...NORMAL PEOPLE. *hiss and swipe! hiss and swipe, I say!* The wonders of the internet consist in me being able to reach out AND hide from people. I can get the little bit of social foraging I need done and then retreat to my Cave of Moody Contemplation. That cave, fyi, is constructed of Beanie Babies. You laugh now but when Beanie Babies become the world's currency after the Obamacracy and the Obacalypse I'll be sitting pretty - in a fort made of pure, bean-filled GOLD.

But seeing as I live in Illinois I'll never get to enjoy that loot because one of two things will happen. A) I'll get robbed because I can't get a freaking gun in this state without jumping through hoops ringed with hellfire. B) I still think there's a decent chance the first nuke detonated on U.S. soil will explode in Chicago. Depending on the size and where I happen to be driving, my reoccurring nightmare of getting momentarily tossed into the air and then vaporized will come true!

Trust me when I say that getting vaporized is a merciful death when it comes to nuclear explosions. And no, I don't have personal experience with dying from nuclear explosions. But I did fight a giant, mutated lizard created from nuclear fallout once. In the end neither of us emerged victorious and instead of one killing the other we became good friends - he went on to become President of the United States. Which President? I'll give you a hint - he's on the penny. Did I just blow your mind? I certainly blew his - no way I'm losing to an overgrown, talking lizard!

Imagine my surprise when he grew his head back and his wife turned out to be a vampiric chicken disguised as a man who was pretending to be a woman - who knew? They currently live happily in New Mexico.

On a different and closing note, it has been very cool in IL this year. This is the first year on record that we didn't have a single 90+ day. Meanwhile the rest of the country fries. My theory? Obama smiles upon us - we are his chosen people and we reside in his holy land.

Criminal Behavior
1. Christianity (It places restrictions on sex and it isn't a condom so it must be evil - and the Pope and Jesus are pro babies/children so they're stupid, backwards, and evil)
2. Masculinity (the only good men are neutered ones)
3. Conservative Thinking (Conserving the past is retarded - we're humanity 2.0 now!)
4. Thinking (Thinking leads to ideas, ideas lead to actions, and most actions are sex so actions lead to babies and babies are the devil-AIDS Obama left heaven to destroy)
5. Capitalism (that one's a capital crime, wink-wink, eh?)
6. Racism (if you ism white, your race ain't right - especially if it leans right)

If you have seen or heard of this behavior being perpetrated immediately begin screaming for government regulation officers (GROs). Until help arrives, place your hands over your ears and rock back and forth, alternating your cries depending on whether you're tilted forward or back. On the backswing yell progovernment slogans and on the forward yell labels that dehumanize your opponents (this is meant for ironic purposes only as Bill 70836b clearly states that all opponents are inbred, subhuman creatures or "Coulterspawn" - be very careful not to touch them. Touching a Coulterspawn causes diarrhea of the mouth - and all of it is metal devouring acid).

So almost two years ago I bought a computer from Dell - worst-mistake-EVER. Made payments on it for five months and then my bill didn't show. I was in the middle of finals (and a bunch of other crap) so I figured "Meh, I'll pay the late fee" and went on with my business. I get a call from Dell's collection agency and they're like "You didn't pay" and I reply "I didn't get a bill." So they offer to take my bank information and I tell them I'm not giving them that info over the phone. They tell me I'll be charged a late fee and I tell them that's fine - I just want to receive a bill and not to be asked to provide my financial information a) over an unsecured line and b) to someone who hadn't proven they were who they said they were (we'd been having some mail them go on so I was extra suspicious).

Instead of sending me a bill they pestered me twice a week for a month about paying over the phone and EVERY time I said "please send me a bill - I'm not paying over a phone line." They FINALLY send me a bill and I pay it almost immediately and two weeks prior to the payment due date - I also pay it in full to the tune of over $2000 bucks. I figure I'm free and clear and they'll finally stop harassing me.

August rolls around and I receive a mysterious bill on an account I paid in full. Very angry and frustrated, I call them and ask what the hell is going on. They tell me I've been charged a late fee and I explain that's impossible because I paid the account in full and closed it. They look through their computer and oh look - they waited just long enough to send me my new bill for a special clause to kick in. They charged me full interest on what was due AND didn't bother placing that in the bill they sent despite it being dated and arriving AFTER that charge would have been made.

Something fishy in Denmark? It certainly stank of dishonesty to me so I told them a) I paid what I owed, b) I paid the late fee caused by "my" mistake (my mistake being that I assumed I'd be treated honestly), c) I paid off the account six months ahead of time, and d) they'd made the error that violated the contract between us. Their response? It went something along the lines of "our mistake is your responsibility - you should have paid the bill you didn't receive." My reply was "No." *click*

Three months later, the first bill collector contacts me and I explain it to her. She says "write us and complain" and she gives me a number with their contact information (rather than just giving it to me) and I call that number and get a message that is very long and plays at the speed of light. Being very busy and fed up, I decide just to take the hit to my credit - I'm paying thousands of dollars in other debts so I figured it balance out.

They haven't given up. Today ANOTHER debt agency called my sister to get a hold of me and I explained to them that the "bajillion nonpayments" all happened AFTER I paid off the account. Their response was "you've got a bajillion nonpayments - you must pay them." We traded mantras for about five minutes until I got aggravated and just hung up.

Dell, by the way, is being sued for fraud. It's financial department has been screwing people. I'm not eligible to entering that lawsuit (I think) because Dell had a "no fault" clause in their contract for the computer I bought. I can probably still sue them for harassment at this point but I just want to be left alone. Given that I paid the account ahead of time, they've made their money and then some. But for three hundred bucks they're chasing me like I stole their firstborn and their favorite ceramic poodle. I'm NOT PAYING them money they didn't earn and gained on a technicality created by THEIR negligence.

Am I crazy in thinking I'm being screwed by a corporation? I hate lawsuits, I detest how legalistic our nation has become, but I will sue their freaking pants off if they continue to harass me and destroy my credit when it's their staff who are so incompetent I can't even be billed properly.

Ever been screwed by "The Man"?

Edit: Here's a link to how Dell has been naughty that best fits what I'm experiencing - but if you Google it you'll find they've got a record of deceit and epic failure. http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/PCWorld/story?id=6638130

I've also submitted a complaint to the Better Business Bureau - let's see if it goes anywhere.

What I find insanely annoying about many aspects of evolutionary theory is the total lack of actual science. Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions! What has been put forth as truth cannot be tested or reproduced so it's NOT SCIENCE but hell if it won't be treated as fact! There are creatures purported to have lived millions of years ago that they have no more than the jaw, the arm, or torso of and yet somehow they doctor up a picture and begin explaining how it lived. This is then presented as reality without acknowledgment that they've got a bit of bone that they fantasize about - that and the grant money they're going to get for finding a "missing link."

The missing link is in your fucking logic.

*fumes*

My dad has dodged a third medical bullet - God is slapping probability in the face and reminding it who's boss. First bullet came when I was about ten. My dad's whole left side of his body lost feeling. He went to the doctor and they found a tumor - a tumor that couldn't have caused that numbness but saved his life. A year ago my father was having chest pains so he had it checked out - they found a blockage. Three separate hospitals administered several tests to confirm the blockage and they scheduled him for surgery. His roommate in the hospital happened to be a pastor and a prayer team from his church came by and prayed for them both. During the prayer, a woman interjected "God has healed you, sir" - this was directed toward my father. The doctors opened him up and found the blockage already gone.

My dad just had surgery to remove cancer from his "nethers." They found it through "dumb luck" and dad decided to have a preventative surgery despite it barely being present in him - according to their tests. Their tests were wrong - the cancer was very present and already spreading much more rapidly than that type of cancer usually does. The surgery he just had probably extended my father's life by decades rather than the few years I would have had with him otherwise.

My grandmother, by the way, just beat pancreatic cancer - for the second time. For those of you not super familiar with pancreatic cancer, it's highly fatal - you don't beat that cancer. My grandfather has had two "inklings" that have brought him to the hospital just prior to two major heart attacks.

I've dodged at least one bullet myself. When I was about two my body stopped processing nutrients. The doctors never figured out why. I went from a healthy weight and large body for my age to so starved my hair couldn't retain its color - nearly black became blond. Not only didn't I die but the doctors' projections of severely stunted development proved largely untrue. Besides being a bit shorter than I would have been, I grew up normal - I was only predicted to reach five feet tall if I was lucky.

I'd like to chalk it up to good genetics, who doesn't want to think their genes are good, but my family's medical history sucks. However, we just won't die. This leads us to two conclusions, a) my family bitch-slaps probability consistently (probable improbability, wtf?) or b) God shoves Death into a locker regularly on behalf of my family and whatever His plan for it is. It makes me curious what He's plugging at and whether I'M the reason He's intervening. Am I going to impact history personally or influence someone who will? Rather grandiose, I know, but when I see my family defying death I'm forced to wonder "why?" - why is my family being spared this suffering?

I have no clue - but I'm happy that my dad, my Nana, and my Papa continue to live despite the odds. Praise be to God for His mercy.

Nothing particular has sparked my ire this week which is good for my stress levels but bad for blogging - how am I supposed to be funny if Congress and the Prez don't lob me watermelons to launch out of the park?

BIDEN - he wraps me in his sweet arms of ineptitude and rescues me from a dull news week! I'm hoping you've already heard that he pretty much called the Russians losers and said they had to cow to us for cash. Along with the "Birthers" resurfacing I'm beginning to wonder if we've got a sleight of hand campaign going.

Is Obama trying to distract us from how epic a failure his administration is turning out to be? Biden's "gaff" seems well-timed for taking the pressure off of Obama for a) being a racist jackass, b) being a socialist failure trying to ramrod legislation that only the ignorant approve of, and c) being the most opaque form of transparent glass EVER. Did you hear that ACORN isn't being investigated for voter fraud because "the powers that be" poo-pood that inquiry? Have you heard that in several areas Obama criticized Bush for "hiding things" he's doing the same? How about the investigator who was fired for checking in on one of Obama's supporters despite that firing being illegal by a definition Obama voted for?

Yes, Obama is truly a magician of extraordinary talent. He distracts us with his assistant's lovely arms and his dancing monkey of a VP while his bosses fish through our pockets and pass legislation that'll see us owing the thieves. It's a magical time of year folks! Christmas for the feds! It used to only come once a year, on tax day, but now it's Tax Day every day. Forget just robbing the adults of the country - we're taxing the future too! How genius is that? There will be plenty of prosperity in the future and all those future monies are just lying around doing nothing - why not tap into that?

Hmm - we seem to have fewer chickens than we originally guestimated...maybe we shouldn't have eaten them AND their eggs. Oh well, we can just print more chickens...WAIT - can we print chickens? Oh crap, oh crap - we can't print chickens, can we? We're so screwed when Uncle Sam comes back - he's going to beat us red-bottomed! Quick - we need to tar and feather Biden and stick him in the coop. Maybe if we...no, no - we're screwed.

Hi, America, I'm JJ. Just wanted to let you know that you've got more foxes in your henhouse than hens. Figured that might concern you. Wha? You're still worried about the Big Bad Bush? He's a bloody plant for Peter, Paul, and the Pope's sake! Look, look - I poked him with a stick and he didn't move. That's because he's a stick with leaves attached. For crying out loud over spilled milk taken from an alien yeti! Plants devour sunlight, not your livestock! No, no, no - he's not the cure for global warming. Sacrificing a virgin on a full moon does that. You're out of virgins? Again? What did you do with the last batch? Oh. Well did you at least keep their young? Well that's your own damn fault.

Back to the chickens - you haven't got any. You do have foxes. They don't taste very good. No, don't eat what they're offering you - that's not chocolate. I swear it isn't chocolate. I'm not lying. I told you I'm not lying - that's crap. Take a whiff. Huh? You think that's what chocolate smells like? How long have you been eating this stuff? 1992? What the hell? Oh, that's just when they started calling it Coco Poops - you've actually been eating it since Roosevelt. Where have I been? Oh yes - I was vacationing in Logic Land on the corner of "should have seen it coming but I'm kind of young and optimistic"

Stop eating the crap they're feeding you - start bitching like a spoiled teenage girl because, unlike her, you actually deserve better. Call and/or write your representatives and remind them that we kicked the British out for far, far less.

A new study suggests that fat people are costing the United States billions of dollars - somewhere around 147 billion. The headline bothered me. It bothered me because it suggested that obesity is a problem plaguing our nation rather than individuals within our nation. It bothered me because it seemed to suggest that our government's debt is being increased by fat people. While Fat Cats certainly are increasing our debt, it's the eating of money, not fats, that is screwing our nation. It's true that obesity and diseases linked to it do cost a lot of money but unless we're paying for it it isn't a national problem.

Until Obama nationalizes healthcare - then it truly is a national problem costing all of us billions of dollars. In a system where you pay for your OWN vices, you lose cash and someone profits off your stupidity. In a socialized system, everyone pays for anyone's stupidity. While one person's stupidity can easily be carried by millions of individuals the problem becomes overwhelming when you take into account that stupidity infects easily half the population. A single idiot can easily harm, if not kill, a dozen people. If half our population is stupid or prone to stupidity we're very much screwed if we create a system where the smart must carry the dumb. While occassionally noble, the typical result of interfering on a fool's behalf is both the wanna-be savior and the fool perishing.

A person's weight is none of my business and I want it to remain that way. I don't want to have to police my neighbor so his stupidity won't cost me money. Some people are prone to stupidity while others just don't care that they're stupid so making me responsible for them is a recipe for death. First off, I'm going to be so frustrated with trying to get them to behave that I'm going to want to kill someone. Secondly, I'm going to be so constantly stressed that my mental and physical health will make smoking three packs a day seem like a healthy habit by comparison. I've been saddled to irresponsible people before and it makes life miserable.

Government regulation only ever punishes the good.

EDIT: I can't find the original article that annoyed me - all the others have more intelligent headers.